With A Little Help From My Friends
by A Gentleman Of Leisure
Summary: There's a stranger in town, and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call? REVISED - COMPLETE.
1. Strangers In The Night

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 01/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part One - 'Strangers In The Night' - Frank Sinatra.  
  
  
It was a dark evening in late fall in Sunnydale. The wind coming in off the sea was colder than she had expected as Buffy Summers walked slowly across the uncut grass in the Municipal Cemetery. She shivered. She was bored, even though she had only been out on patrol for a couple of hours. Nothing much was happening - it looked as if tonight was going to be a total waste of time. The only vampire she had come across so far had taken one look at her and run - in the opposite direction. She hadn't had the heart to chase after such a cowardly creature, even though it was manifestly her slayerly duty to do so.  
  
'Very sensible of it', she thought, 'but I just can't go home with a zero score. It's much too early, and I'm not really tired'.  
  
She shook herself awake, thereby proving herself a liar, and peered into the darkest shadows where there was a small group of mausoleums, looking for all the world like an exclusive little housing estate for dead people.  
  
'And the undead too', she remarked to herself. 'Oh well, A-hunting-we-will-go!' She wondered why that phrase had come into her head - it was a typical Giles-type remark. Sometimes his dry British humour would baffle her, but it could be comforting too. It wasn't boffo laugh-out-loud stuff, but none the less it could make her smile. Anyway, vampires had no sense of humour at all, so cracking jokes could confuse a one as you slew it. Very satisfactory!  
  
She thought to herself that she needed to have a serious talk to Giles soon, to confide in him what she had learned about her younger sister, Dawn. It was strange, how she could remember all the years of them growing up together, big sister and little sister, and yet now she knew that none of it was real. Absolutely none of it had happened the way she remembered it. All her memories were - what - imaginary? And that felt really creepy.  
  
Somewhere in the distance out over the sea there was a flicker like lightening in the night sky, and the low mutter of thunder. Beneath her feet the ground trembled as if in sympathy. It bought her back to the present moment, and it seemed to Buffy that it was entirely appropriate. In any other town it might be a prelude to rain, but in Sunnydale you were just as likely to have frogs or fish fall from the sky. Or electric eels.  
  
Suddenly there was a brilliant flash really close in front of her, just beyond the trees, and instantly a crash of thunder so loud it left her ears ringing. She shook her head and wondered if it wasn't time to call it a night and head for home. It didn't look as if there were going to be many people out in weather like this, and fewer people meant less of a problem from vamps. Not that she'd had much luck on that score tonight.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted as something moved beyond the cypress trees away to her right, close to where the lightening had struck. A tall figure passed behind the low square shape of a crypt and reappeared, walking at an easy, unhurried pace. For a moment it almost seemed familiar.  
  
"Is that..? No, not much like a vamp at all", she murmured to herself. Puzzled, she moved cautiously forwards to investigate. A couple of moments later she came to the edge of a large open space in front of another small cluster of mausoleums, stopped, and crouched down among the bushes to observe.  
  
Near the middle of the moonlit clearing a tall man was standing as still as a statue. He seemed to be just listening. He was clean shaven, and was wearing a long black coat and the sort of hat that might have come straight out of a Humphrey Bogart movie.  
  
'Curiouser and curiouser. Well, he can't be Santa Claus, it's not December yet', Buffy told herself. 'Anyway, no reindeer'.  
  
She tried to make out what he was doing. He stood so still that he almost seemed to be waiting for something. Then, slowly, he began to turn towards her. As he did so another figure rose quietly out of the dense shadows on the other side of the clearing, close behind him. A vamp!  
  
Instinctively Buffy leaped to her feet and charged forward, but they were too far away, and the vampire was much nearer to its victim - she wouldn't make it in time!  
  
Then, as she raced across the clearing, something happened, so fast that even she couldn't make out exactly how. The man suddenly lifted his right hand from inside his coat, and swiftly half-turned in the same direction. His arm rose high above his head in a sort of backhand stroke, and something glinted for an instant in the moonlight. Then the vampire shrieked and stumbled back, clutching at its stomach.  
  
The man paused with his right arm outstretched towards the sky for the merest fraction of a second, then swept it down and round again, and the vamp's head leaped high off its shoulders looking utterly astonished for the second or so before it and its body exploded into dust.  
  
The man slipped his hand back inside his coat for a moment, and then calmly adjusted his hat. Buffy could have sworn she heard him laughing quietly to himself.  
  
She slowed to a walk and stopped a few yards from him, ready for whatever might happen. This was weird. She was the official patroller and slayer of vamps in this here town. So who was this person?  
  
"Good evening", said the stranger with a slight smile, and lifted his hat politely. "Well met by moonlight". He looked at her quizzically, his head tilted slightly. "Isn't it a bit dangerous for young ladies to be out so late after dark, especially here?" he asked.  
  
"I might say the same", Buffy responded, a little miffed. "This place is not exactly on the recommended tourist trail".  
  
"Touche", came the reply. "I must assume then that you know what you are doing wandering round in a cemetery on your own. Especially at this time of night".  
  
"I know how to look after myself, if that's what you mean. And", she added, "you sound English!"  
  
The man nodded, and she could see that the remark amused him. His teeth gleamed like a toothpaste ad! She usually liked people who smiled, so long as they didn't have long pointy teeth, that is.  
  
"You recognise the accent - most Americans can't. That's very promising".  
  
'Promising of what?' Buffy wondered.  
  
"What did you use just then", she asked him, "on your attacker I mean?" She didn't say vampire. You never knew quite who you were talking to in Sunnydale. If this guy was just an ordinary tourist there was no point in alarming him, though he didn't seem to be the type who did 'alarm'.  
  
The man slipped his hand under his coat, which Buffy could see was nearly as long as Spike's, and he slowly drew out a thin jet-black sword. It had a strange elaborate hilt, and an unusual narrow leaf-shaped blade only about twenty inches long, with a very sharp pointed tip. Buffy had a thorough knowledge of weapons of all sorts, and though she didn't really recognise the shape, she guessed that it was old, something from way back in ancient history.  
  
The stranger held it up in front of him in the moonlight for a few seconds, with its tip pointing to the stars, then without any warning he suddenly lunged forwards at her.  
  
He was very, very fast. Because she was unarmed, except for her stake, Mr. Pointy, Buffy quickly dived to one side and rolled out of reach, coming to her feet in a fighting stance with her fists clenched - just in time to see the stranger slash off the head of another vampire that had crept up unnoticed on the two of them as they stood in the open, and which had leaped out at Buffy from the bushes behind her.  
  
In a swift continuous graceful movement the sword came back down and slipped away beneath the long coat again even as the vamp disintegrated.  
  
"I like the way you move, Miss Summers", the stranger said. "Very cool".  
  
"Likewise, I'm sure", Buffy replied, pushing her hair back out of her eyes as she relaxed. "I think", she added. "Where did he come from? I didn't hear anything".  
  
"You were distracted. I noticed him sneaking up on us. I expect he thought we were a nice late-evening snack".  
  
"Well he was dead wrong. He kinda choked on something sharp there. You are pretty quick, Mister!" she added.  
  
"So are you", he replied, "but I think it might be unwise for us to stay here too long. There are some more early risers coming our way. Would you like some assistance with them?"  
  
Buffy spun round and peered away into the distance. She shook her head.  
  
"Oh, I don't think so. I'll be fine thanks. I'm in need of the exercise. I was getting bored before you turned up, but thanks for the offer".  
  
" OK, if you're sure then", the man said. "I expect I'll see you around". She heard him laugh quietly again.  
  
"You think so?" Buffy said, only mildly interested, and glanced back at him over her shoulder. To her complete surprise she found she was alone!  
  
  
End Of Part One. To Be Continued... 


	2. Walk Right In Sit Right Down

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 02/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon.  
Disclaimer: The-Powers-That-Be own everything. 'Nuff said?   
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Two - 'Walk Right In, (Sit Right Down...)' - The Rooftop Singers.  
"I've seen some pretty exotic swords in my time, but this one was different, you know? Old. Really old. With a funny handle".  
  
"Hilt, Buffy. You must remember to call things by their right and proper name".  
  
"OK, Giles. Whatever. The bit you hold it by", she replied with a wicked grin.  
  
"But listen", she added. "That wasn't the weirdest part. What I didn't realise until after he'd gone was that he already knew my name!"  
  
"Had you ever seen him before, Buffy? I mean, he sounds pretty easy to recognise", Willow asked.  
  
They were hanging out at the recently opened 'Magic Box' late the following afternoon after college was through. Buffy had been puzzling over her strange encounter all day - it had even distracted her during lectures.  
  
"I think I'd probably remember a six-and-a-half foot swordsman in a fedora if I'd ever met him before, Will", she said. "And he moved so fast!"  
  
"That backhand stroke sounds like the move of a highly experienced swordsman", Giles remarked from behind the counter. "The weapon itself sounds unusual, though". He looked at them over his glasses. "I think I've found a picture of one that matches your description".  
  
Rupert Giles had once been Buffy's Watcher, and librarian at Sunnydale High School, which is where they had all first met. Now, after everything that had happened since then, including that never-to-be-forgotten, dramatic, High School Graduation Day which had ended in the total destruction of the High School itself, he had neither job. Instead he was now the proprietor of the 'Magic Box', which had partly come about through Willow's growing interest in the subject. Willow Rosenberg was the really bright one of the Scooby Gang, with her computer hacking skills and her piles of magical study texts, and sometimes-spooky witchy abilities.  
  
Giles turned round the book that he'd been studying, and they could see an illustration in colour.  
  
"That's it", Buffy said, stabbing it with her forefinger. "Just like that. What is it?".  
  
Willow peered at the caption.  
  
"Celtic early Iron Age sword from around 450BC, found in a river in England in the eighteenth century. Now in the British Museum! Wow!" she said. "That's really, really old. I wonder if it has any magical significance?" she added absent mindedly.  
  
"The one your chap had can't possibly be an original", Giles continued, partly to himself, as he studied the text. "A real one two and a half thousand years old would be in no condition to be used now, even if the iron had not completely corroded away, which it would have. No iron blade could ever stand up to later weapons - it would bend or break almost immediately. No, it has to be a modern replica made of high quality steel. Quite clever though - it does have the benefit of being small enough to carry under a long coat - ideal for close quarters work".  
  
"Hmm, could be useful. We haven't got anything quite like that in the armoury, have we Giles?" Buffy commented, studying the picture closely.  
  
Giles thought for a moment.  
  
"Sabres and foils, a cutlass, axes, spears, daggers, commando knives, a halberd I think, a morningstar..."  
  
"Is that the spiky ball on a stick?" Willow asked.  
  
"...on a chain on a stick, yes. Er, where was I? Oh yes, bows and arrows, and crossbows. And crucifixes, and holy water. Oh, and of course plenty of stakes".  
  
"Did someone say steaks?" said Xander, from the big round table in the back part of the shop, his attention caught by what sounded like talk of food. "I am starving. Just what I need after a hard day on the construction site; lots and lots of steaks - even better than pizza, and you don't even have to wait for them to be delivered! In fact, I'm so hungry you can forget the steak, just give me the horse".  
  
"No Xander, he means the wooden pointy sort", said his girlfriend Anya, looking out from the storeroom in the back of the shop, where she was stocktaking. "And I didn't know that humans could eat a whole horse. I've known demons who could, though most of them preferred the taste of humans. Not that I ever did -- eat a human that is. When I was a demon. Ever. Well, much".  
  
"Eewww, gross!" exclaimed Buffy's little sister, Dawn, arriving from school and slamming the shop door vigorously behind her, which made the little old fashioned bell perform a brief percussion solo, a la Ginger Baker. "You'll put off all the customers".  
  
"No customers at the moment", Anya replied, looking round the shop. "Too bad".  
  
"Yes, it has been a bit quiet today, I'm afraid, compared with the rush we had in the first few days of trading.", Giles remarked sadly. "The last people who came in were unfortunately frightened away by Anya describing what happens when a particular spell goes wrong. Apparently it turns the user completely inside out. Very visual, very graphic! Oh yes".  
  
"The multicoloured luminous vomit was a good touch, I thought. And all true, too!" Anya said happily.  
  
"There is such a thing as being too vivid and accurate, my dear", Giles told her, but in his heart he knew it was a wasted effort. Now she was no longer a vengeance demon she was throwing all her energies into being a real human being. Unfortunately she still had to acquire a sense of proportion. And timing. And discretion. And...so on.  
  
"So what are we going to do about this night walking guy with the sword?" Buffy asked, trying desperately to get the conversation back on track. "He may be quick, but he can't really know how things are in Sunnydale, and he's going to get himself killed if he isn't careful".  
  
"What guy with a sword?" Dawn asked, dumping her bookbag on the table. "You never said anything at breakfast this morning. Did you fight him? Did you win?"  
  
"I didn't say anything because I didn't want to bother Mom. You know she's not feeling well right now. And no we did not have a duel. He sliced the heads off a couple of vamps, the second one right behind me. It sneaked up while he and I were talking".  
  
"So who is he? Another Slayer? I thought you said Slayers were always female?"  
  
"They are, and as you know there's usually only one at a time", said Giles. "That doesn't mean to say we are the only people interested in killing vampires".  
  
"And demons too", Willow added brightly. Then realising she might possibly have offended Anya she went on, "Not nice ones, of course. We don't kill nice demons, do we, really. There wouldn't be any point in that, would there? No, no, nice demons are nice. We don't mind them. It's nasty demons we don't like - because, because..."  
  
"Because they're nasty?" Dawn suggested impishly.  
  
"Yes, yes. 'Nasty' nasty demons. Horrid, wicked demons. Demons who do bad things to humans. And, and - I think I'd better stop talking now, hadn't I?"  
  
"I used to know lots of demons", Anya observed. "You wouldn't have called any of them nice, though. No such thing as a 'nice' demon really, well not to humans. But anyway I'm not a demon now, so there you are!" she finished blithely.  
  
Behind them, in the front half of the shop, someone cleared their throat politely.  
  
'A customer at last', thought Giles, gratefully. "Good afternoon. Welcome to the Magic Box. Can I help you?"  
  
"I'm not sure, Mr. Giles. Can you?"  
  
Buffy's head came up sharply as she recognised the voice, and they all turned to look.  
  
A tall man, wearing an old fashioned wide-brimmed hat and a long dark coat, was standing there. No one had heard him come in - this time the old fashioned bell on the door had not rung as it opened.  
  
"Hey! It's him, Buffy. Isn't it? He's just like your description", Willow said quietly.  
  
"Who he?" Xander whispered in Willow's ear. He'd obviously not been paying proper attention to Buffy's description of her encounter the previous night.  
  
"Later", she whispered back, intent on the scene before her.  
  
Buffy got up and strolled slowly over to lean casually on the sales counter.  
  
"Giles, this is the er, gentleman I was telling you about. From last night", said Buffy.  
  
*  
  
The sun slowly began to set. In a damp untidy crypt in a cemetery across town a blond haired vampire yawned and stretched, puzzling over the vague memories of a strange dream from which he had just woken. It wasn't like the usual ones he'd been having recently, about himself and the Slayer. It was more a sort of 'Look out, something wicked this way comes' sort of dream - maybe some sort of warning. He decided he ought to take a look around town and see if anything new was on the go. Then, later maybe, he'd see if he could discover where Buffy Summers was patrolling tonight, and keep an eye on her. You never knew, something interesting might occur that could conceivably be to his advantage!  
End Of Part Two. To Be Continued... 


	3. Heroes And Villains

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 03/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Three - 'Heroes And Villains' - the Beach Boys.  
  
  
The stranger nodded to Buffy.  
  
"I see you had no trouble after we met, Miss Summers. Did you kill any more vampires?"  
  
"No. It was a bit odd, that. I didn't see another one all night after you..." Buffy thought for a second, choosing the right word "...disappeared. And I didn't hear you leave".  
  
"No, people don't, usually. Or arrive", the man added cryptically. "But that's one of your trademarks too, isn't it - Slayer? Softly, softly?"  
  
"One of them, sometimes", Buffy acknowledged.  
  
"The other one is leaving lots of little piles of dust behind", Willow said.  
  
"And sometimes broken furniture", Xander added brightly.  
  
"That's my big sister - Destructo Girl", Dawn said.  
  
"Well, people have insurance, don't they?" Buffy protested. "I help the economy of the town, by boosting sales of new and improved furniture".  
  
"Hopefully less breakable", Xander commented.  
  
The stranger looked round the shop with interest, at all the esoteric herbs and other less savoury ingredients in glass jars, the magical objects stored on the shelves and in the drawers and cupboards behind the counter, and the things on display where customers could pick them up and handle them before deciding whether or not to buy, and he nodded to himself, as if the short cross-talk act had passed him by unnoticed. He looked at each of them in turn - Buffy herself, Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya and Dawn. He looked longest at Dawn. Then he turned back to Buffy and Giles.  
  
"I am Michael", he said and put out his hand to Giles, who shook it politely. He looked enquiringly at Buffy, as if to say 'Shall I shake hands with you too?' She just waggled a few fingers at him - these British habits were too formal for her taste.  
  
"Are you looking for something in particular, er Michael?" Giles said. "We have the best stocks of magical materials in Sunnydale".  
  
"In the whole of Southern California", Anya told him proudly. "And if we haven't got it, we can get it for you in forty eight hours, guaranteed".  
  
"Well, almost", Giles added cautiously.  
  
"Thank you", Michael said. "Really I'm looking for two things. One is your help. As you see, I know who you are and what you do, Buffy Ann Summers. That's why I'm here. I need your skills and knowledge, and that of your two witch friends in particular".  
  
"Hey, the rest of the Scooby Gang is here to back them up as well. Don't forget us", Xander protested.  
  
"Ah yes. 'They also serve...' Thank you, Xander. You're right - I shall need the help of all of you".  
  
"Hey, does that include me?" Dawn demanded. "I'm not just the Slayer's annoying bratty little sister, you know. I'm not too young to help".  
  
Michael smiled at her.   
  
"Thank you, Dawn, but you're very young, yet. I don't want to put you in danger".  
  
"Danger? Goody. Danger is our middle name. Bring it on, Michael", Xander said, rubbing his hands. "It's what we do best. We stare danger in the face, and give it a bloody nose".  
  
"If it doesn't give you one first, Xander", said Anya. "I want you in one piece, with your nose still pointing forwards instead of signalling a left turn".  
  
"Can you tell us what you want our help for, first of all?" Giles asked.  
  
"I'll tell you what I'm looking for, first. It's why I need the help of you, Mr. Giles, you too Willow, and your friend Tara. It will take your particular abilities to find what I need".  
  
He paused, as if waiting until he was sure he had their complete attention.  
  
"I am looking for a magical weapon called the 'Hasta Longinorum'".  
  
They all looked at him blankly, except for Giles who frowned. After a moment a slightly surprised expression came over him.  
  
"The 'Spear of Longinus'? Are you serious? Does it really still exist?" he said.  
  
Michael looked at him and merely nodded.  
  
"But I thought it was just a myth, that it had been lost nearly two thousand years ago".  
  
"Oh, it exists. I've been looking for it for a very long time, many years, and I've finally discovered that it wasn't really lost at all, just hidden. 'Not lost, but gone before' if you like. It's taken me decades to find out where it is, but now I have, and only just in time".  
  
"Hey, Slayer here!" Buffy interrupted, a little ticked off at being talked across like a small child. "What is this magical thingy, and why do you need it? What's it for? Why do you need us? Why do you want us to help you get it?"  
  
"One thing at a time, Buffy. Give the man a chance to explain. What it is, or at least was", Giles said slowly, "is the spear belonging to the Roman Centurion who was at the Crucifixion. It's a religious relic nearly as precious as the Holy Grail itself. If it does actually still exist, it would be the most potent magical weapon imaginable, in the whole world even!"  
  
"So", said Willow thoughtfully, "what do you need it for, this magical weapon?"  
  
"It must be something pretty damned serious", Buffy said. "So what is it? Save the world? Again? This isn't Smallville you know, it's Sunnydale - Hellmouth Central. Been there, done that! Lots", she added, and she yawned like a cat, as if to say 'why should we believe or trust you?'  
  
"The world, yes I know you have, and more than once. I know all about your struggle with The Master, for instance. But what I have to do is slightly more difficult, and I cannot do it without help. I have to save this Universe", Michael said simply.  
  
"Hey, we know all about the different sorts of universes and dimensions", Buffy replied confidently, "- the demon dimensions, alternate and parallel worlds and all that stuff. Nothing to them we couldn't handle. What's so special about saving the Universe?"  
  
"Wait just a minute, Buffy! He said _this_ Universe". It was Willow. "I've been keeping up with reading about science as well as Magic. I still have my subscription to Scientific American, you know. There are theories that there is more than one actual Universe - not just parallel to this, or alternate variations of this one (like we've already experienced), but each one completely self-contained and separate, so that they have nothing at all to do with this one or any other. They might even have different laws of physics, or maybe time runs in a different direction. They don't have any contact or influence on each other at all. Is that what you're talking about, Michael?"  
  
He nodded, and she continued.  
  
"So you mean something big's going to happen between this Universe we're in, and another one we shouldn't normally be able to have anything to do with ever, no access of any sort, even by magic?"  
  
"You have it, Willow. You've hit the nail right on the head".  
  
"Why should we believe you?" Buffy demanded.  
  
"Let's hear the whole story first, Buffy", Giles said quietly. "Give him a chance to explain. So, Michael, what do you say is going to happen between this Universe and the other one?"  
  
"Will it be a great big cosmic explosion like matter and antimatter meeting - mutual annihilation and general 'ceasing to be'?" Willow asked excitedly.  
  
Michael smiled at her description.  
  
"Yes, near enough at the end, but not all at once. First something else is going to happen - a hole will open between the two normally mutually inaccessible universes. And when that happens, the other universe will start to suck this one into itself".  
  
"So they'll merge, right? Then wouldn't it just expand some more, like the Inflation phase after the original Big Bang?" Willow asked. "Rather like an infinitely large balloon?"  
  
"Yes, precisely so. It would absorb every particle of this Universe - but they'd all be mixed up inextricably with the material of the other universe and completely randomised. It would mean the end of everything in this universe.  
  
"There would be no life at all - nothing left. No more intelligence, no stars, not even any dust, just an amorphous continuum with no form at all, not even atoms, just the basic particles which had once been the components of atoms. In merging, both the other universe and yours would be destroyed - utterly and completely and for ever".  
  
"Wouldn't the remains evolve into a new universe eventually?" Willow asked, but Michael slowly shook his head.  
  
"All gone?" a little sadly.  
  
"Yes, Willow, as if it had never been".  
  
"So we have to stop it, then", Willow said firmly.  
  
"Ah, at last something I can understand", said Buffy, who was feeling she'd been left rather far behind by the short session of high level theoretical quantum cosmology. "So how do we do that? Do we have to close the hole? 'She's got the needle and she can sew'? This spear is like a needle, right? And we use it to shut the entrance somehow?"  
  
Michael looked a little confused by her musical quotation.   
  
"First we have to vanquish the inhabitant of that Universe".  
  
"What, just the one?" Buffy asked drily.  
  
"Then we close the hole" Michael continued, ignoring her comment, "and for that our time will be very limited. The only thing in our favour is that our Universe is far more stable than the other, and the inertia of ours will have to be overcome before it will succumb totally to the other's influence".  
  
"Does this creature, this inhabitant, have a name then?" Giles asked.  
  
"We know it as the 'D'yah Ba'Wuk'".  
  
Giles frowned. "It sounds vaguely familiar, I'm sure. Let me just see if I can find it in one of my books".  
  
"I'm afraid you would be wasting your time - it's not there", Michael told him, and Giles looked very surprised.  
  
"Wait a minute. How do you know that?" he said, but Michael ignored the question and continued.  
  
"Beyond its name very little is known about it", he said. "I don't even know what it looks like, let alone if it's even capable of being seen by your normal human eyes. You have to understand that other universes can have completely different rules of existence, different physical laws as Willow said. Nothing you are familiar with necessarily applies".  
  
"Oh terrif! So we're going to be fighting an invisible monster with unknown powers? Just what we need", Buffy grumbled. "As if we didn't have enough problems already".  
  
"So how long will we have - I mean, to do the deed?" Willow asked, rather more practically.  
  
"And when does all this start?" Xander said.  
  
"And where? Oh, silly me, it's here of course, isn't it? It's always flaming well here!" said another oh-so-familiar English voice from behind them.  
  
Buffy spun round.  
  
"Spike, who let you in? Go away, now is not a good time!"  
  
"Hey, hey, Slayer. When is it ever a good time? By the sound of things you are going to need every bloody bit of help you can get. Oh and by the way, have you looked outside recently?"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about, Spike? We're busy here!" Buffy said angrily.  
  
"Yes, yes, I know. I heard - 'the end of the Universe as we know it'. Big deal. First things first, Slayer. Haven't you noticed? The sun is down, the moon is blue, and the streets are alive with the sound of vampires!"  
  
"What?" Xander jumped up and rushed to the front door to have a look outside. Buffy too jumped to her feet and immediately headed for the back room where the weapons were kept.  
  
A moment later there was a sudden crash and she came flying back into the shop again, head over heels, followed by a crowd of the ugliest, palest vamps anyone could ever remember seeing. At the same time the street door burst open with a smashing of glass, and another crowd of un-people who were definitely not prospective customers charged in, knocking poor Xander flat.  
  
Instantly all was pandemonium as each of the Scoobies grabbed the nearest object, sharp or blunt, and set about them. The sound of breaking jars and splintering wood filled the air, mingled with the shouts of the combatants.  
  
Dawn and Willow beat a strategic retreat - they dived under the table, from where they could contribute to the melee in relative safety by tripping up passing intruders.  
  
Buffy produced her favourite stake from somewhere on her skimpily clad person, and a spare one for her other hand, and attacked the uninvited guests with gusto.  
  
Anya and Xander each seized something heavy from his carpentry toolkit and laid about their attackers. Xander soon discovered that a saw, if wielded aggressively enough, could make vampires just as nervous as living people. Losing your head can be equally terminal whether you're alive or undead!  
  
And above the row, even as he hacked and slashed to-and-fro with a small double-bladed axe he kept under the counter, strictly for emergencies like this of course, Giles could be heard bewailing the destruction of his stock.  
  
"Didn't you fill in that insurance form I gave you?" Anya shouted across the room, as she impaled one vamp on a broken chair leg, and vigorously kicked another towards the nearest person who also had something sharp and wooden with which to finish it off.  
  
"I never got around to it. We've been so busy this last week that I forgot! Take that you business wrecker!" he added and swung his axe enthusiastically at another whey-faced member of the undead.   
  
"Hey, not me, Mister. I'm on your side!" they heard Spike complain, as he merrily joined in the slaughter of his fellow vampires.  
  
"Sorry!" Michael's English accent could be clearly heard through the hubbub.  
  
Flashes of blue and purple lightening streamed out of the far end of the shop where Willow and Dawn were now backed into a corner, Willow bravely shielding the younger girl behind her as she intoned the words of a spell to keep the enemy at bay with blasts of magical fire. Dawn was fending off any vamps that got within reach with the sharp point of a broken wooden broom handle, screaming insults at them all the time at the top of her voice.  
  
"You call those teeth? I've seen better teeth on an Barbie doll! Chew on this, you blood sucker! I hope it gives you terminal indigestion!"  
  
Buffy meanwhile hurtled here and there round the shop, wielding Mr. Pointy to great effect, and the dust was gathering in the air from her slaying, but it was Michael's dark sword that was doing most damage. Snicker-snack, the blade sliced to-and-fro, and at nearly every other slash a vampire bit the dust, or rather contributed to the thickening cloud now rapidly filling the shop.  
  
Then all at once things came to a stop, and it suddenly went quiet. By now the air was so thick with dust that the members of the Scooby Gang could hardly see each other, and there was no one left to fight. The only vampire left was one who had short blond hair and wore a long black coat.  
  
"Open the shop door someone", an invisible Giles called from somewhere deep within the dust cloud.  
  
"What door, Giles?" Xander asked from somewhere else. "I think the survivors took it with them in friendly bite-sized pieces for souvenirs".  
  
"Destructive bastards!" came the muffled reply. "There's nothing I hate more than dead people who come in, break up the place, and leave without paying!"  
  
The dust began to billow out into the street, which was now curiously empty.  
  
Somebody sneezed.  
  
"Bless you!"  
  
So did somebody else. Vague figures started to become visible again.  
  
"Everyone OK?"  
  
"It's just a scratch. I've had worse putting up shelves".  
  
"Spike, what the hell was that all about?"  
  
"Wow, Willow, we really kicked some butt, didn't we?"  
  
"Cup of tea anyone?"  
  
  
End Of Part Three. To Be Continued... 


	4. My Little Red Book

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 04/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Four - 'My Little Red Book' - Love.  
  
  
Introductions had been made:  
  
"Michael, this is Spike. Once known as William the Bloody. We know he's a vampire, but we tolerate him - for now. You're not allowed to kill him - he's mine! I'm going to kill him myself one day, when I'm in the mood or he just plain gets too annoying! And Spike, this is Michael. Be polite....or else".  
  
"Charmed, I'm sure", Spike had said insolently, slouching against the shop counter.  
  
"So, Spike, why did you turn up exactly when you did?" Giles asked.  
  
"Yeah, Spike. How come the minute you arrive the whole place is bursting at the seams with half the vamps in Sunnydale, and their friends?"  
  
"Honest, Slayer, I don't know. I woke up this afternoon from the weirdest dream - "  
  
"He must have looked at himself in the mirror this morning before he went to bed", said Xander. "Oh no, I forgot - he doesn't need one, does he?"  
  
" - thank you, Boy Wonder! Anyway, I felt sure something was up so I started to take a look round town. Then when all these vamps started coming up out of the ground like there was no tomorrow...!"  
  
" - And indeed there may not be, vampire William", Michael pointed out.   
  
That rather stopped the conversation dead for a moment. It was some little while later, and the whole Scooby Gang, including Tara who had been summoned from college by phone, were now sitting at the round table in the back of the Magic Box. Only Riley was missing from the group, and they had decided there wasn't time to look for him.   
  
When Michael had seen the table he had nodded, and for some reason said simply "Most appropriate".  
  
The shop was now a shade tidier than directly after the disturbance earlier in the evening. As much of the stock as possible had been rescued, and Willow and Tara had made a tidying-up spell to... well... tidy up whatever it would work on. And remarkably effective it had been, too, all things considered.  
  
"There may not be a tomorrow? And what the hell's that supposed to mean? I can tell when something's up. Hadn't you better stop being so bloody mysterious and make with some decent explanations?"  
  
"Spike, will you please shut up!" Giles said testily.  
  
"But you just asked me - "  
  
"Enough, Spike. Let Michael tell us what he knows. Maybe then we'll learn something useful instead of just listening to your wittering".  
  
Spike subsided in his chair, muttering sulkily to himself. Dawn shuffled her seat closer and patted him on the arm.  
  
"Don't worry Spike, he didn't really mean it".  
  
"Oh yes he did", Xander said firmly. "For a dead person, even one who doesn't smell, Spike talks entirely too much, and in a British accent already. One of those is fine, two makes an interesting contrast, but three is way too much of a good thing. Anybody would think we're starting to make a collection of Britishes. Or do I mean Britons? Or Brits?".  
  
"Thank you everybody". Giles tapped the table with his axe, which for some reason he had forgotten to put down. "Michael, why don't you tell us your story in your own way".  
  
"Yup. Make with the 5 W's - the 'Who, What, Where, When and How?'", said Willow, in her best Raymond Chandler type accent.  
  
"The How?" Tara asked, a little confused.  
  
"Well, yes I know 'how' doesn't start with a W, but it does end with one", Willow said defensively.  
  
"You've been at my collection of detective stories again, haven't you, Willow?" Giles sounded amused. "But you're quite right - 'Four Dubbya's and an H'".  
  
"OK then, Michael. What's the what of the what?" Buffy demanded sceptically as she settled herself more comfortably on the chair with the wonky leg. "Fill us in".  
  
"Thank you, Slayer". Michael paused, apparently to gather his thoughts. Strangely, he was still wearing his long coat, and also his fedora hat, but no one had liked to ask him why.  
  
"You should know that there are certain things I cannot tell you, and some I can. Like you I have my duties, and like you I can not divulge some things to ordinary mortals. Your job, Buffy, is ordained - you are the Chosen One, The Slayer. You kill vampires, present company excepted", (here he nodded at Spike) "demons, other entities, and strive to keep the Hellmouth closed. But your Watchers' Council is not the omniscient organisation it might like to think it is. Every now and then things happen in other places. Sunnydale is not the centre of the Universe...",  
  
"Armpit, more like", Xander commented quietly.  
  
"...And sometimes those things have to be dealt with". He paused for a moment. "You can, if you like, think of me as representing a sort of International Rescue".  
  
"Yet another secret organisation? So what is this one called then, or is it so secret that it hasn't even got a name?" Buffy asked, a trifle sarcastically. "Or is even that on a need-to-know basis, rather like the Initiative?"  
  
Michael looked at her.  
  
"You might know it already", he said slowly. "In a way you work for this organisation too. Our job is to fight the Darkness, just like you, but on a different scale. We only take on the most difficult jobs, the cosmic crises, what you might call 'The End Of The Universe' sort of thing. Though we are permitted to ask whatever help we can, from where and who we can, it is only under very strict rules".  
  
"So how many of you are working on this particular crisis?" Anya asked.  
  
"Just the one", he replied and glanced at Buffy. She recognised her own words coming back at her, and somehow, despite her doubts, she had to smile, just slightly.   
  
"OK, OK. 'Been there - done that'", she said. "So there are some things you can tell us, and some you can't. If we're that short of time I guess you'd better skip the unnecessary details and cut to the chase. You English know what that means, I suppose?"  
  
"We get on with it. Thank you, Buffy. I'm glad you're a realist".  
  
"Round here, reality seems to be permanently on the fritz", Xander commented, "so we generally have to hang on tight and just go for the ride".  
  
"Though sometimes we fall off", Willow put in.  
  
"So I've heard", said Michael with a smile. "The important thing is that you always get back on again".   
  
When they all looked at him in surprise he added "I've been fully briefed about all the goings on in Sunnydale. That's really why I'm here. As your friend William said when he arrived to warn us: 'It's always flaming well here'. And why?" He paused, possibly for dramatic effect, more likely to be sure they were concentrating on what he was saying.   
  
"Well, you live close to a major fault line, don't you? And that geological fault line is a reflection of the metaphysical one that manifests itself as a Hellmouth, right here in Sunnydale".  
  
Then, without warning, even as he said those words, there was a quiet, low rumble from far beneath them, and ever-so-slightly the ground slowly shook. Enough to make a couple of glass jars chink together musically - certainly enough to make the point.  
  
"And that fault line is an ideal weak spot between Universes, even ones that should never be able to touch each other!"  
  
*  
  
"Something tells me we shouldn't spend too much more time discussing the whichness of what", Buffy said. "What have you got to do, and how do we help?"  
  
"Well, we have to get the Spear first, and I'm not quite sure how to go about that - there may be things we have to do, or avoid doing".  
  
"Research. Just what I'm good at - geeky but good. We'll hit the books, you keep talking", Willow said briskly, jumping up from the table. She and Giles went over to the ladder leading up to the book loft over their heads at the back of the shop, and as quickly as they could clambered up to the cramped little wooden mezzanine.  
  
"What exactly are we looking for, Giles?"  
  
"There's one particular volume that I remember, compiled in the sixteenth or seventeenth century I think. It's all about magical devices and weaponry. I haven't seen it for years - I just hope it survived the destruction of the school during the Mayor's Ascension. I don't remember seeing it when we were rescuing the contents of the library".  
  
"But what's it called?"  
  
"Um, now let me think". He peered to-and-fro along the jumbled shelves of books. "I remember that it had a red leather cover, supposedly made of the skin of some mythical beast, I think. Oh, and the title was in raised silver letters riveted onto the front board of the book, but they were all rather tarnished, as I recall. Now, what was the name...?"  
  
Willow knelt down and started to work her way along the shelves from one end, pulling out old dusty tomes that might not have been opened for decades, checking their spines and covers, and carefully putting them back, and doing it all as quickly as she could. Giles meanwhile stood, alternately rubbing his chin and polishing his glasses, as he tried to remember the name of the book.  
  
Then, after several minutes they both suddenly and simultaneously exclaimed "Got it! 'Agol's Compendium of Magical Weapons, Devices and Ephemera'!"  
  
"It's here, Giles, it's here", Willow squeaked excitedly. "This is the right one, isn't it?"  
  
Eagerly, Rupert Giles took the ageing volume from her hands and carefully opened it to look at the title page.  
  
"How very strange. 'Printed Privatelie by the Council of Watchers at The Sign of The Eye in Coptick Street, London'", he read aloud. "Well I never. Well done, Willow. Well done. This is what we're looking for. It's exactly what we want. Let's go back down now, quick as we can".  
  
A minute later the heavy old book raised another cloud of dust as Willow plonked it triumphantly in the middle of the table, opened it, and started to turn the pages.  
  
"It's not exactly in alphabetical order, is it?" she said doubtfully after a couple of minutes. "A description of the pointy-eared demon Spokk follows directly after the basic formula Shakespeare used for 'Eye of newt...', and after that is - Oh my!" and she hurriedly turned another page as Dawn leaned in to have a look. "NC-17 rating, I think. Let's try somewhere else further on".  
  
Dawn sat back with a little grin, amused by Willow's reaction to what looked as if it might have been some quite interesting pictures, and thought to herself that she might nip up to the book loft one afternoon when the shop was quiet, and take a peek inside. After all, a girl needed a full and rounded education, didn't she? Especially with a Slayer for a big sister! You never knew what knowledge might come in handy one fine day, did you?  
  
"Here, let me", Giles said. "I think I remember how it's organised. What we want should be near the back. Now - Devices? No. Ephemera? No. Weapons? Yes, here they are - bespelled, magical, religious. That's the part we need".   
  
Slowly he turned the pages, frayed edges, foxed, strange smelling, printed in an unusual cramped typeface that wasn't at all easy to read. There was an air of strangeness about the book, as if its contents were able to influence the room slightly as they were exposed to the light.  
  
"Here it is".  
  
And just then the room quivered again, as if some vast being far, far away had heard him in its sleep, and stirred. Something on a shelf somewhere in the front of the shop rattled.  
  
"Time to get a wiggle-on", Anya remarked, sounding a little nervous.  
  
"Only a four at most on the who's-it scale", Buffy said calmly. "When I...we... lived in L.A. you wouldn't even break your rhythm chewing gum for something as small as that".  
  
"We aren't in the City of Angels, and neither is the Hellmouth", Michael pointed out.  
  
"Is that it, there?" Tara asked, and everyone looked. She was leaning over the book, pointing at an engraving of a spear. Below it was a long passage of text in a small typeface. There were also annotations in crabbed handwriting in faded brown ink in the margin.  
  
"It's all in Latin", Buffy observed, a trifle indignantly. "No fair".  
  
"Of course it is", Willow assured her. "Most magical rituals are in some archaic tongue or other - that's half the fun, trying to figure out what they mean and how to make them work. Seeing what the subject is, naturally any spells will be in Latin. Giles...?"  
  
They all turned confidently to him. He was absent-mindedly mouthing the words to himself as he tried to work out how to translate them.  
  
"Hey Giles - stop that!" she said urgently. "You mustn't recite the words, you don't know what'll happen. We don't know what they mean, yet!"  
  
"What? Oh, sorry Willow. I'm afraid I wasn't thinking".  
  
"The trouble is that you 'were' thinking, but you were thinking aloud", she said sternly.  
  
"That could've been fun", Xander said. "I wonder what might have appeared if he'd kept going. We could use a laugh round about now. Perhaps I should try it".  
  
"Don't even think about it, Xander", Spike said, lolling back in his chair. "Everyone knows that anything you touch turns to sh..."  
  
"Spike!!!" three people shouted at him all at once.  
  
"Ow, my ears! What's the matter? What did I say?"  
  
"It's what you were 'about' to say, Spike, that's the matter. I know you".  
  
"And I know you know me, Slayer", he replied uneasily.  
  
"I know you know I know you, Spike. So then you'll know it's not just your ears I'll have if you don't watch your language in front of Dawn".  
  
"Spike", Giles said, looking up briefly. "Be a good chap. Don't tease her. You know she'll happily have your guts for garters".  
  
"Hey, I wasn't going to say anything that 'little bit' hasn't heard a hundred times in the schoolyard".  
  
"Spike, I won't warn you again!" Buffy growled.  
  
"Spike". Michael's voice stopped them all in their tracks. It suddenly sounded larger than before - deeper, reverberant, commanding. Even the naughty boy himself stared round-eyed at their visitor.   
  
"Damn me", he muttered. "You can't half make a dead man jump when you want. How the bloody hell do you do that? Ventriloquism?"  
  
"Nothing at all to do with Hell, Spike". Michael's voice sounded completely ordinary again. "We just don't have time for fun-and-games".  
  
Giles had gone back to scribbling on a piece of paper. Now he shoved it over for Michael to look at.  
  
"How's your Latin? Can you check my translation of this bit?"  
  
"My Latin is passable, Giles", he replied calmly. "Let me see, now". There was a short silence, then "Yes, I see the problem".  
  
"Well?" asked Buffy after there had been a short, thoughtful silence.  
  
"I now know how to get to the Spear, but..."  
  
  
End Of Part Four. To Be Continued... 


	5. Crazy Little Thing

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 05/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon.  
Disclaimer: The-Powers-That-Be own everything. 'Nuff said?   
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Five - 'Crazy Little Thing' - Captain Beefheart.  
  
  
"But...?"   
  
"Don't tell me", Xander said brightly. "'Houston, we have a problem'".  
  
"'Say again?'" Spike asked.  
  
"Quiet, you two. What is it, Giles?"  
  
"Xander's right, Buffy. We do have a problem. It's what this handwritten passage at the bottom of the page says are the conditions for using the 'Spear of Longinus'".  
  
They all looked impatiently at him while he took off his glasses and polished them, to give himself a little time to think.  
  
"Well, this Agol, whoever he really was, and it's quite obvious it's a pseudonym, wasn't very good at writing in Latin. And that in itself is rather strange. Normally all scholars of that period would have been educated in Latin, so I'm not quite sure why his is so poor, but what he writes is capable of more than one interpretation".  
  
"But people writing anything to do with magic always used to do that", Willow pointed out. "Being cryptic, I mean. It was to stop outsiders from discovering what they were really up to".  
  
Tara nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yes, we're always having trouble interpreting things, understanding what they really mean, when we're doing magic we haven't tried before. That's why spells can go wrong, or fail entirely", she explained. "Most of the time nothing happens at all, and then other times we can get all sorts of results we didn't expect. It can take ages to figure out what some simple seeming instruction actually means".  
  
"Unfortunately we don't have a lot of time", Michael said. "I would think a few hours at the most".  
  
"So tell us, then. What does this flaming book 'seem' to say?" Spike asked.  
  
"Um. Well here's what the text actually says", Giles responded. "It's pretty bastardised, that's the problem - it could mean a couple of things..."  
  
"Oh come on, shopkeeper, before everyone dies of old age, even me".  
  
Buffy scowled at the vampire, and toyed meaningfully with her stake which she had again produced from concealment somewhere on her person. He took the point, and scowled back but shut up.  
  
"All right. Here it is. It reads 'Puella virgine sola hastam tenebit'".  
  
"Snappy and to the point, I'd say", Xander joked, but he shut up when Anya glared at him.  
  
There was a short period of silence, broken at length by Spike, of all people.  
  
"Well, I know I'm a bit rusty with the old 'Amo, amas, amat' thing, but that seems to be reasonably clear if you ask me, my old ex-librarian", and he sat back with a smile to watch their reaction.  
  
"Oh yeah? And who cares what you think it says, dead boy?" Xander demanded.  
  
"No, let him speak Xander. Come on Spike, show off your traditional English education", Giles said, "however long ago that was", he added.  
  
"Well", said Spike, looking slowly round the table, "taken literally, which I suppose we must, given that we have to start with exactly what it says..."  
  
"Get on with it Spike, or it won't be old age you die of - again", Buffy said, balancing Mr. Pointy on her forefinger and glaring at him meaningfully.  
  
Spike slowly and irritatingly pulled himself upright in his chair and wriggled himself around to find a more satisfactory position. Even an undead backside needs a comfy chair.  
  
"'Puella virgine sola hastam tenebit' translates, as literally as I can make out, as - 'A girl child virgin alone the spear carries', or in modern English - 'Only a virgin girl child carries the spear'. What he actually means..."  
  
"...Is that only a virgin girl 'can' handle the spear", Giles finished for him. "Thank you. Michael, do you understand it the same way?"   
  
Michael nodded.  
  
"Well, that lets me out", Anya said brightly after another moment of silence.  
  
"In fact, all of the guys too", Buffy said. She paused, and then added "and I'm afraid I don't qualify either", and anyone looking closely would have been able to see she looked mildly embarrassed.  
  
Michael and Giles both turned to look at Willow, who went bright pink and stuttered, "No, oh no. Sorry. Me and Oz, you know. I'm sorry, Tara".  
  
So of course then they all looked at Tara. The poor girl shook her head and she too turned red with embarrassment.  
  
"I'm sorry too, Willow". She turned to Willow and took her hand. "It was when I was fourteen, visiting cousins. Well, you can guess the rest".  
  
Willow squeezed her hand and nodded reassuringly and an unspoken message seemed to pass between them.  
  
"Well, that seems to count all of us out. So now what do we do, Giles?" Buffy's question seemed to unfreeze everyone and they all looked at each other.  
  
"Michael, you definitely agree with Spike's translation? I should say he concurs with mine".  
  
Michael nodded again.  
  
"In which case it would seem that you're buggered", Spike said coarsely. "I fact, I think we all are".  
  
"Are you quite sure?" Buffy's little sister asked, sounding a trifle doubtful, disappointed even.  
  
"I'm afraid so, Dawn". Giles said without looking up, as he studied the text of the book for any further material which might help them in their dilemma.  
  
"You need a virgin?" she said.  
  
"Yes, Dawnie", Xander said. "But don't worry your pretty little head about it".   
  
"I know where to look", she told them, and started digging in her backpack, searching for something.  
  
Surprised, everyone looked at her. Sitting next to her, Spike suddenly grinned broadly. Seemingly unconcerned, Dawn was now apparently innocently checking her makeup with the help of a small pocket mirror.  
  
"Oh look", she said, calmly examining her reflection and smiling, "there's one!"  
  
*  
  
"Dawnie?" said Buffy, confused, and then stopped to scowl at Spike who had sat back and started to laugh.  
  
"I don't see what's so funny, Spike".  
  
"All you live people are really slow tonight, Slayer. Compared to the rest of you, your kid sister is so quick off the mark that she's like greased lightening".  
  
"Dawn, you can't..." Tara started to say, and then all the others seemed to realise what was being suggested.  
  
"Dawnie, this is grown-up stuff. You're not involved".  
  
"I am so too!" Dawn exclaimed indignantly. "I never get to help with anything. I'm never allowed to go out on patrol. If anything happens it's always me who's left at home with Mom - when you do all the cool, exciting stuff I'm in bed asleep! Well it's not fair!"  
  
Buffy opened her mouth again to shout at her sister, but then Dawn stopped them all dead in their tracks. She leaned forward and looked her big sister straight in the eye.  
  
"Slayer", she said earnestly, using Buffy's title (something she never ever did), "this is something none of the rest of you can do, only me - isn't it? And anyway, who else have you got?"  
  
*  
  
While Willow and Tara were discussing with Michael what was going to be needed in the way of magical assistance, Buffy drew Giles into a distant corner of the Magic Box so that she could talk to him without being overheard, particularly not by her sister.  
  
"Do you really think we're doing the right thing, letting her help Michael?" she hissed in his ear. "After all, we don't really know that much about him, do we, only what he's told us".  
  
"I've just been doing a bit more research, trying to find some sort of prophecy that refers to this situation", Giles said quietly. "Although there are one or two vague references that might be relevant, Michael seems to be quite right - there's nothing really definite that I can say actually covers all this".  
  
"What about him, though? Is there any mention of him?" Buffy persisted. However, Giles reply was not quite what she expected.  
  
"Oh, you needn't worry about Michael. I'm absolutely sure we can trust him implicitly", he told her, which surprised her completely.  
  
"Oh, really?" Buffy said, her expression obviously somewhat doubting her Watcher's statement. "So who is he then, and who is he really working for?"  
  
"Oh, it's quite obvious who he is. I really don't know why it took me so long to see it. I'll explain it all to you later, Buffy, that is if you haven't worked it out for yourself before then", he said enigmatically.  
  
Her exasperated reply was cut short by Willow calling her over. Buffy looked round the shop for her little sister, and saw that she was standing talking excitedly to Xander and Anya, and looking as if she was about to go on a special treat.  
  
'I suppose that from her point of view perhaps she is', Buffy thought.   
  
Quietly she said to Giles "Do you think this is really going to save the Universe, sending Dawn off with him to get this spear?"  
  
Giles shrugged.  
  
"For the moment we have no way of knowing. We'll simply have to do what Michael deems necessary to deal with this crisis. Just follow his instructions and try not to get into an argument with him, OK? He knows what he's doing - we don't. This whole situation seems to be way beyond anything we've ever faced before".  
  
Buffy opened her mouth to object to Giles's comment about her argumentativeness, when a thought struck her.  
  
"Giles, how can Dawn possibly know what to do? Should we be putting her at risk like this?"  
  
What Buffy was actually thinking was that her 'sister' had really only been in existence for a few weeks, and wouldn't have a clue how to look after herself. And if anything happened to The Key, what then? But she couldn't say anything to Giles in the current situation, there just wasn't the time.  
  
"Buffy, you're forgetting. She's fourteen years old and has a Slayer for an older sister", Giles replied. "She has a pretty good role model, I would say", he added and looked sideways at her.  
  
Startled, Buffy looked back at him in her turn.  
  
"D'you really think so, Giles?"  
  
He nodded and said "Don't worry about Dawn. She'll be fine. She has a large helping of the Summers intelligence, and if push comes to shove, I'm sure that'll see her through. Anyway, what she has to do doesn't seem to be all that hazardous".  
  
"Buffy, Giles!" Willow beckoned them over. "Michael's ready for us to start the incantation".  
  
"Everyone gather round the table in a circle", Michael told them. "The first part is the opening of the way to where the Spear is. Then those of you who remain behind must keep open the way for us to return. Otherwise it's a long walk back to Sunnydale".  
  
"Where is this 'Spear of Longinus' hidden then?" Anya asked.  
  
"More to the point, who goes on the expedition, and who stays home?" Xander asked, a very reasonable question in the circumstances.  
  
"Three of us go, everyone else is needed to maintain our return path", Michael told them. "Those three are myself, of course, Dawn, naturally, and..." he paused briefly "...and Spike!"  
  
  
End Of Part Five. To Be Continued... 


	6. A Hole In The Ground

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 06/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Six - 'A Hole In The Ground' - Bernard Cribbins.  
  
  
Buffy almost exploded.  
  
"You're taking Spike? Are you crazy? You can't even trust him as far as you can kick him!"  
  
"Buffy, Buffy", Giles said, trying to distract her, "please calm down. I think we can safely assume that Michael knows what he's doing. He obviously has his reasons - he wouldn't choose Spike otherwise".  
  
Buffy turned on Michael disbelievingly.  
  
"Do you? Do you? Do you really know what he's like?"  
  
"You can be sure, Slayer, that I know all about Spike, more than you will ever know - what he is like, and how little or how much he can be trusted", Michael replied in a level tone of voice. He smiled at her and continued, "I think that one day you may be surprised by him, but that's not what we're concerned with tonight. Right now we haven't got the time to worry about who we can or can't trust. We won't be away from here for more than a few minutes at the most to get the Spear, and then as soon as we return we'll be preparing for the fight to protect this universe from the one that threatens to encroach on it. Don't be afraid for your sister - remember, I will be there too".  
  
"Afraid? Me? He's the one who'd better be afraid if he messes up", Buffy said scathingly. She turned away and stalked over to Spike, who was standing over by the shop counter, leaning casually against it and she put her face right up close to his. Her voice dropped to a low flat tone.  
  
"Listen to me, you worthless piece of street pizza, and listen carefully", she said quietly, so the others couldn't hear her. "Anything happens to my sister, anything at all, she stubs her toe even, or gets a hangnail, let alone gets hurt in any way... well don't bother coming back, because if you do I'll make you wish....you....were....dead", and at each word she poked him in the chest with her forefinger, hard enough to make him recoil a step each time.  
  
"Lighten up Slayer, nothing's going to happen, no one's going to get hurt", Spike said, perhaps a trifle nervously. "It'll be just like a commando raid - quick dash in, grab what we went for, and quick dash out again. Easy as A,B,C. And in case you hadn't noticed, I am already dead".  
  
"You haven't stopped moving yet, Spike", Buffy reminded him quietly, "but that mistake can be rectified - just very....very....slowly. Remember that. Anything goes wrong, I'll make you wish you had never lived at all", she added, turned on her heel and stalked away.  
  
"Yeah, and I love you too, Slayer", Spike called out after her.   
  
She stopped dead, right where she was, and without turning her head she replied "If I even suspected you actually meant that, Spike, I would stake myself immediately".  
  
"I'd cheerfully do it for you Slayer, but I'm afraid I can't oblige. It's this chip thing, see, otherwise it would be a real pleasure", he said loudly.  
  
"It's chips with everything, isn't it Spike?" she responded, still not looking round. "It's always to blame".  
  
"Hm, bad hair day, or what?" Spike said more quietly to her back, and winked at Dawn across the room.  
  
Michael tapped on the table to get everyone's attention.  
  
"Gather round please. We are ready to start", he said, and they all turned to face him. Willow and Tara took up places standing on opposite sides of the table. Michael, Dawn and Spike clambered up onto it and stood in the middle facing one another.  
  
"Remember not to touch me, Spike", Michael said. "I do not want you to get burned".  
  
"Burned? Mate, there is something very strange about you!" Spike said, shaking his head. "Mind you, I never did trust the strong silent type. Did I Slayer?"  
  
"How can you make jokes at a time like this, Spike?" Dawn asked. "Aren't you excited? I am. My hair's trying to stand up on end!"  
  
"Maybe you should try hairgel, Niblet. That would really get up big sister's nose".  
  
"Oh, for goodness' sake be quiet you two", Willow said. "The rest of you hold hands with us round the table, Buffy and Giles on my left, Xander and Anya on my right. Now link up with Tara, and don't let go!", and without needing to be told to everyone interlocked their fingers. As they did, they felt a sudden smooth surge of energy flow through them all, before the magic making had even begun.  
  
"Oh, my goodness!" Tara said, then Willow shushed her. They both began to recite together from a spell copied out onto a sheet of paper lying in front of them. The rhythmic flow of the words slowly filled the Magic Box, and it gradually got darker and quieter.  
  
After a couple of minutes Buffy had a strange feeling of lightness, something like floating in the air without actually moving off the ground. Her hair began to swirl up round her, and so did the three other girls', as a vague movement of air became detectable in the room. Little sparkles of light popped in and out of existence, there was a faint spicy scent that reminded her of something she couldn't quite place, and the room round them seemed somehow to have become infinitely far off. The chanting of the spell by the two witches became the only thing she was aware of, and she wondered if Giles was experiencing the same sensations as she was, but now she couldn't have turned her head to look at him even if her life depended on it.  
  
The two voices chanting in unison gradually rose to a crescendo and then suddenly stopped, and there was a deep silence. Tara gripped her hand fiercely.  
  
"Don't anyone let go now, whatever happens", Willow said quietly. "We have to keep the way back open for them".  
  
Buffy blinked, and realised that in front of her, where seemingly just a moment or two before there had been a table with three people standing on it, there was now a dark hole in the floor. Nothing was visible inside it, light just fell into it and vanished. She could even feel it very gently tugging at her. She gripped Giles' hand tightly in her turn as he exclaimed "Stone me! Where the hell did that come from?"  
  
"I guess you've got a quick way down to the cellar now, Giles", Xander commented quietly from across the circle, but made sure he too was firmly hanging onto the hands of the women either side of him.  
  
"Well, it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good, I suppose", Giles said, shaking his head, and Buffy couldn't help smiling at him.  
  
"Wills, how long do we have to keep this up?"  
  
"Oh, not long. Don't worry, they know where the Spear is, and Michael's own power meant we were able to open the portal directly to it's location. It's amazing really - that man contains so much power of his own, but for some strange reason needs us to use it for him. I'll have to ask him about that when this thing is all over".  
  
"My nose itches", said Anya.  
  
*  
  
When Willow and Tara had begun to chant their spell, Dawn had seen Michael shake his head slightly, close his eyes and start to intone something silently. She'd watched him for a moment or two, and realised that when the witches paused for breath between phrases, Michael had been inaudibly making some sort of response. Then she had closed her eyes as things began to get a little weird.  
  
Somehow she lost track of what was happening, becoming entranced by the hypnotic rhythm of the words as they flowed on and on, and the sound of Michael's voice which she could now hear perfectly, though she couldn't understand a single word. Along the way she gradually lost track of time as well.  
  
After what seemed like an infinite age she became aware that it was now silent, and that they were standing in total darkness. The atmosphere was completely different - the air was slightly damp, and cool enough to make her shiver slightly. She heard Spike cough, and the acoustic ambience of the space they were in said to her 'small, low ceiling, possibly underground'. She opened her eyes.  
  
"Where are we?" she said. Then she heard Spike sniff.  
  
"We're in a bloody crypt, that's where we are, little bit. I know the smell".  
  
"Good", Michael's voice said. "We seem to have arrived in the right place. I'll just take my hat off, and we'll see!"  
  
'What?' thought Dawn. 'What's he talking about? Is he crazy? How will taking his hat off help us see where we are? Didn't he bring a flashlight?'  
  
Then Michael took his hat off - and a white brilliance suddenly lit up everything. Spike and Dawn stared at him open mouthed - the light seemed to be directionless, to come from everywhere and to cast no shadow, and it filled the room they were in, from rough uneven cobblestone floor to low plastered ceiling. It wasn't too bright to look at, and yet every atom in the place stood out sharply, as if illuminated by a laser beam. It was uncanny.  
  
"How the..."  
  
"Spike!" Dawn interrupted sharply.  
  
"...do you do that?"  
  
"Don't worry yourself about it", Michael replied, and for some reason Dawn immediately felt completely reassured and confident.  
  
"It's OK, Spike", she said looking round. "No biggie. I wonder where we are?"  
  
"I detect an atmosphere of suffocating holiness, Niblet. Ancient relics and suchlike", Spike commented. "It wouldn't surprise me in the least if we were in the undercroft of a church somewhere".  
  
"Ten out of ten, William. Considering what we are looking for, would you like to guess exactly where?"  
  
Spike shivered. All this excessive religiousness was somewhat hazardous for him. If he accidentally touched the wrong thing he would go up in smoke, just like that, without an instant's warning. It worried him, and that always made him bad tempered and sarcastic.  
  
"Go on, amaze me, oh shining one! Ow!!"  
  
Dawn had just kicked his ankle. "Behave yourself Spike, or I'll tell Buffy!"  
  
"Little sneak!" he growled.  
  
"Shush! Sorry Michael, he's just a bit nervous. It's not really his fault".  
  
"Understood", Michael replied, and Dawn could have sworn she detected a slight smile, but it was gone before she could be certain.  
  
"Where are we, then?" she asked. "It looks like a cellar to me, in some old spooky house in one of those horror movies. I love those".  
  
"And this from a girl who lives in Sunnydale! Masochist!" Spike said, shaking his head in disbelief.  
  
"Spike? Would you like to know, or shall we just get on with our mission?" Michael said.  
  
"Tell me, tell me. I'm just dying to know why I'm in a deep dark hole, with no apparent entrance or exit except the one we brought with us".  
  
Michael looked round at the whitewashed walls, now very old, flaking and grimy, with cobwebs in the corners, and a jumble of dusty objects stacked here and there, seemingly at random.  
  
"This is the Vatican".  
  
  
End Of Part Six. To Be Continued... 


	7. Subterranean Homesick Blues

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 07/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Seven - 'Subterranean Homesick Blues' - Bob Dylan.  
  
  
"My nose itches", Anya complained.  
  
"Rub it on my shoulder", Xander suggested, and Anya gratefully accepted his offer. Then she sneezed, and had to wipe her nose vigorously on the upper sleeve of Xander's shirt. It was not a pretty sight.  
  
'Demon snot! Gross! I hope that's going in the washer ASAP', Buffy said to herself, but not out loud.  
  
"How long have we been standing here, Willow?" Giles asked. "I'm beginning to feel it's about time the travellers returned from wherever they've got to".  
  
"Also he's getting tired, poor old thing", Buffy said with a smile.  
  
"Not so much of the poor, or the old or thing either, preferably", the ex-Watcher responded. "It's just that it's getting to be a while since they went. Wherever they are though, I'm absolutely sure they're perfectly safe with Michael".  
  
"Why so sure, Giles?" Anya asked. "After all, it's not like you've met him before. Or have you?"  
  
"Yeah, Giles. Why the supreme confidence in this guy? What do you know about him that we don't? Who is he really?" Xander said.  
  
"I must say, I'd like to know what you know about him, too, Giles. Not that I don't trust you - I'm just curious", Buffy told him. "Come on, what's the what on this guy?"  
  
"Yeah", Xander agreed. "And now I come to think of it, he just walks in off the street and we accept him as if he's a bosom buddy. I don't know about you all, but I'm beginning to say to myself 'slightly strange'".  
  
"It is a little odd, that, Giles", Willow added. "After all, none of us have ever met him before, we know nothing about him except what he's told us..."  
  
...And the fact that he's very good with a sword, which I suppose must count for something", Buffy finished.  
  
"I have never met him before", Giles said slowly, "but I'm reasonably sure I know who he is. I've read about him, but I never imagined I would ever meet him - very few human beings ever have".  
  
"You mean he's not human? Really? So who is he, then, Giles?"  
  
"I think you had better ask him when he gets back. I don't think it's my place to tell you if you don't recognise him".  
  
"You said that before, but why ever not, Giles?" Buffy demanded, somewhat surprised, but he ignored her question, pretending he hadn't heard her.  
  
"So who are these people he says he works for, this 'sort of International Rescue'?" Xander asked him. "He says we're on the same side, against the Darkness, but why have we never heard of them, Giles? Do you know anything about this organisation? Is there anything in any of your books about them?"   
  
Giles looked thoughtful. If his hands had been free he would have taken off his glasses so he could polish them while he thought about his answer. He manfully resisted the temptation. Anyway, holding hands with Willow and Buffy, for whatever reason, was a very pleasant way to spend part of an evening, when he came to think about it.  
  
"Well", he said slowly, "I think in fact we have. We all have, in fact. Heard of them, I mean. I suspect that what he's talking about is what the Watchers know as 'The Powers That Be', and you've certainly heard of them, haven't you Buffy?"  
  
She nodded, but didn't reply.  
  
"So he either works for them", Giles continued, "or he is one of them - it depends on how you interpret certain things. But they aren't completely unknown - I suspect that people actually know them by another name, and that very rarely indeed they deliberately intervene in the affairs of this world, and that there's a term for what they do, and there are records of them doing so. I'm just surprised that the Watchers' Council don't seem to have realised it", he finished, and he did indeed sound surprised.  
  
"So who is he, and who are they, then?" Xander asked again.  
  
"I'm afraid that unless he decides to tell you, you're just going to have to figure it out for yourselves", Giles said, and his tone of voice told them that was probably all he was going to say on the subject.  
  
"Huh. Cryptic much?" Buffy commented, frowning, unimpressed by her Watcher.  
  
"But he really is OK, then?" Willow asked, a little anxiously. "I mean, I thought he was really nice, and he knows all about magic - he was able to tell us exactly which book to look in for the spell we used".  
  
"He is very OK, I think".  
  
To everyone's surprise it was Tara who spoke. She was nodding her head slowly, thoughtfully. She looked as if she had just begun to realise some great truth. Willow looked at her, puzzled, but didn't say anything. If Tara could figure it out, then she supposed she could too, or if not then she was sure that Tara would explain eventually.  
  
"So is he a big cheese, then?" Buffy said.  
  
"A great big wheel of cheese", Giles told her, smiling. "We are making history".  
  
"Providing we save the Universe for there to be any more history in!" Willow said, reminding them of why they were still standing in a circle holding hands round a hole in the floor where their table had stood.  
  
"So how long do you reckon we've been standing here?" Buffy asked.  
  
*  
  
Dawn stepped off the tabletop, which was now flush with the floor, and wondered vaguely where the rest of it was.  
  
"The Vatican, huh?" she said, looking around. "I always imagined it as being all gleaming marble halls and painted ceilings, with cardinals swinging incense burners, and choirs and stuff. Not like this, all icky, with rough stone floors and dust on everything".  
  
Michael laughed out loud.  
  
"Don't be disappointed, Dawn. That's all happening up in the light above us, but we don't want to frighten all those old men up there, going about their holy business, do we? Anyway the sun is just about rising here in Rome, and we have to think about Spike".  
  
"Oh, right! Sunburn, smoke and flames, pouf! I guess we're a long way from Sunnydale Fire Department".  
  
"You're so thoughtful, Niblet", Spike said acidly. "What would I do without you? Oh yes, I know, I'd have a lot more peaceful life, now wouldn't I?"  
  
"You'd miss me, Spike. Admit it, you would. Even if I'd never existed, you'd miss me".  
  
"Oh yeah, just like a hole in the head".  
  
"What another one? Let me see - mouth, two ears, two nostrils (I'm being generous here) - that makes...um...five! Isn't that enough?", Dawn said, laughing.  
  
"You two should be on television as a cross-talk act - you're almost as good as the Marx Brothers", Michael commented.  
  
"The who?" said Dawn innocently, and grinned when Spike rolled his eyes in despair.  
  
"I'm going to have to take your education in hand, Little Bit", he said, shaking his head. "Just wait till I get you home".  
  
"Promise?"  
  
He growled something indistinct, and also stepped off the table top. The next moment something huge fell out of thin air behind him and came crashing down, narrowly missing him. The impact made the floor shake. Spike spun round, took one look, and immediately vamped out!  
  
*  
  
"It seems ages since they went - I wonder what's keeping them?"  
  
"Perhaps the Spear is not as easy to find as Michael thought. I don't suppose even higher beings are infallible", Giles said.   
  
"After all, he's had to use our magical mojo to help them get to wherever it is", Willow said. "That might explain it".  
  
Abruptly, Buffy lifted her head and looked around keenly, peering into the dark corners of the shop as if expecting to see someone or something lurking in the deepest shadows.  
  
"What is it, Buff?" Xander asked. "The old 'Spider Sense' at work?"  
  
"I don't know. Something. Nothing - I don't know", she replied, shaking her head doubtfully. "I just thought I heard something".  
  
"Like what?" Giles asked, uncharacteristically forgetting his grammar.  
  
"Dunno. Too faint to make out. Nah, I guess I imagined it", she said.  
  
The words were scarcely out of her mouth when deep, deep down under the earth, something moved, and all the glass in the shop tinkled delicately.  
  
"Oh no, not again", Giles said.  
  
"Yes, and I think it's going to be..."  
  
Whatever she was about to say was lost in the low, growing rumble beneath their feet, sounding like nothing so much as a stampede of a thousand elephants, all seemingly determined to pass right through the Magic Box. The building began to tremble.  
  
"Hold tight!" Willow shouted above the increasing row. "Don't let go or the way back will close and they'll all be trapped!"  
  
"We can't stay here - I think this is going to be a really bad one!" Giles shouted back. "If we don't get out of the building, it could come down on us and we'd all be killed!"  
  
"We can't just leave them!" The building was already shaking violently, dust and debris was beginning to fall, and it was getting difficult to hear.  
  
"I'm going in after them", Buffy shouted. "The rest of you get out. Go on, go!"  
  
"You can't!" Willow screamed back. "As soon as you let go hands the opening will disappear. There probably won't even be time to jump in, and I don't know what would happen to you if you did".  
  
The noise was now rapidly getting so loud they could scarcely hear each other. Poor Giles, not used to listening to music at high volumes like the younger ones, was in real pain from the sound level.  
  
"We can't stay!" he bellowed above the still-increasing racket. "This is no ordinary earthquake - it's either the 'Big One', or it's supernatural. Either way we have to get outside now! NOW!" he repeated. "Or we're all dead!" and he let go Buffy's hand.  
  
The ground under the building slowly began to heave upwards, all the stock came crashing down, again, and the wooden walls cracked and started to disintegrate.  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy!" he shouted, starting to drag a frightened and confused Willow towards the front of the shop. Xander followed, towing Anya and Tara, everyone trying to dodge the falling shelves and stuff coming down on top of them.  
  
Buffy looked around her desperately - the hole in the floor was visibly beginning to shrink, and there were no weapons within reach except Giles's axe, lying on the floor next to where he'd stood. Hurriedly she grabbed it and took a couple of steps towards the dark circle. She was just about to jump into it before it became any smaller when the whole floor heaved up, and the head and one arm of something huge and dark and searing hot emerged from the portal, opened giant eyes like saucers and glared at her. Its mouth gaped, and flames billowed out of it like burning yellow flowers. The arm reached out for her.  
  
She reacted without an instant's thought, ducked, and slashed at it with the axe, severing one of its fingers, and leaving a long red-hot scar across the back of its hand, a hand big enough to effortlessly crush an old style cash register. The creature gave a vast bellow, though it was almost unheard in the pandemonium, and sank back into the ground again. Immediately the portal snapped shut after it. The sound was clearly audible, even above the sounds of the earthquake.  
  
Startled at her success, and wondering what on earth, or under it, that sort of demon had been, Buffy stood for a moment looking at where the shrinking hole had been. There was no trace of it left, the magical portal had completely vanished. Then, as the ceiling finally started to collapse on her, she turned and ran towards the front of the shop, and dived out of what was left of the window, rolled across the sidewalk and hit the ground running. Behind her the whole row of shop fronts slowly leaned drunkenly over into the street and came down with a huge smash in a cascade of rubble. A vast cloud of greyish dust came rolling out across the road and obscured everything.  
  
  
End Of Part Seven. To Be Continued... 


	8. Here Comes The Night

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 08/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon.  
Disclaimer: The-Powers-That-Be own everything. 'Nuff said?   
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Eight - 'Here Comes The Night' - Them.  
  
  
A wave of suffocating heat blasted the three people in the cellar. Dawn gave a shriek, and grabbed at Spike, dragging him backwards away from the huge fire demon. It was so big that it was almost doubled up under the low ceiling, which was the only good thing about the situation, so far as Dawn could see. The two of them ran into the furthest corner and tried to shield themselves behind a heap of junk piled up there.   
  
"Spike, get behind me - you'll catch fire!"  
  
"Niblet, if so much as one of your eyelashes get singed, big sister will take a flamethrower to me and laugh as she does so", he growled in reply. "Now get in the damned corner there behind me", and he shoved her right into the furthest niche of questionable safety.  
  
"All right, all right. Don't overdo the chivalry. My bones don't mend as quickly as Buffy's, and I need a certain amount of oxygen, if you don't mind".  
  
Spike ignored her, and spread out his long leather coat over both of them. Then he looked up to see where the third member of the expedition was.   
  
"What the...?" Dawn heard him exclaim. "Michael, you bloody fool. Michael, get into a corner where it can't reach you, dammit!"  
  
Dawn peeped over the edge of Spike's coat. The heat was already incredible, yet Michael was standing in the middle of the cellar, his head almost touching the ceiling. He had his sword in his right hand, and was shielding his face with his left forearm. As she watched he stepped forwards and swung at the demon.  
  
It struggled to turn to face him, dislodging stones from above, and clawed at him with a huge paw-like hand which was shy of a finger. White hot blood sprayed across the room like lava. It was obvious that it had already encountered someone in Sunnydale, someone who she needed no guesses to identify!  
  
Dawn tried to shift herself round to see properly, and found herself tangled up with what felt like a bundle of sticks. Trying to shove them out of the way she discovered that one had a smooth shaft, and she pulled it out, holding it up to look at it in the mixed light - a dull orange glow from the monster, and smooth, shadowless white created by Michael. A sharp polished point gleamed at the tip.  
  
"Careful with that, kid", Spike said. "You could put someone's eye out with that!" He pushed it aside with a free hand. "Ow!"  
  
To Dawn's surprise Spike whipped his hand away, waving it in the air, and swearing like a trouper. A number of the words she didn't even recognise as English!  
  
"What happened, Spike?"  
  
"What happened? It bloody burned me, that's what effing happened! What have you got there, for...?"  
  
Dawn interrupted him excitedly.  
  
"It's a spear. Maybe it's *The* Spear! You can't touch holy stuff, can you? That must be why it hurt you. I think this is IT!!" she exclaimed, then yelled "Hey, Michael!" at the top of her voice, and scrambled to her feet.  
  
Michael cast a quick glance over his shoulder. He was trying to avoid the demon's great claws as they raked to and fro, trying to reach him. Luckily it had jammed itself against the far wall in trying to turn round to get a good swing at him, and could only use one arm, the injured one.  
  
Dawn threw off Spike's coat and held the Spear up so Michael could see it. He stepped back out of her way, and she hefted it in her hand, trying to find its point of balance. Now to see if her throwing technique was up to the job.  
  
Dawn wasn't that keen on physical sports, she was more of a chess queen, but somehow the school's athletics coach had managed to discover that she could throw. With a javelin she was a natural. It was probably a genetic thing that Buffy, of course, had in spades. Any weapon, sharp or blunt, was like meat and drink to the Slayer. She, Dawn, had seemingly inherited very little of the fighting ability of her older sister, but for some strange reason, this she was good at. And now was the time to find out just how good that was.  
  
She could smell her hair beginning to scorch. She had to do it NOW - there was no time for thinking about it. There was no room for a run up either. Anyway the intent wasn't distance but accuracy. She took a deep breath.  
  
"Good luck", she heard Spike say behind her, then, thank goodness, he shut up.  
  
She took her stance, shifted her weight onto her back foot, took two quick paces forwards into the burning heat, and hurled The Spear.  
  
*  
  
Buffy trotted up the street, still carrying her axe at the ready, making her way through the veil of dust raised by the earthquake and the collapsing buildings, looking for her friends. It was very dark because all the street lights had failed, and she heard them before she could see them.  
  
Someone was crying in the distance, 'probably Tara', she thought, and followed the sound.  
  
"She may have gone through the portal, and be all right. We don't know she hasn't", Giles's voice came faintly to her.  
  
"She'll be crushed to death if she didn't". That was Anya, the optimist.  
  
"Not the Buffster. She'll be digging herself out right now, or she's off somewhere fighting demons single handed". That was definitely Xander - 'good old Xander' she thought.  
  
She gave a shout, and there was an instant's silence, followed by everyone calling out at once.  
  
"Buffy, over here! Over here!"  
  
She changed direction in the swirling dust, now thickening with smoke from buildings catching fire, where she assumed gas pipes had fractured. A thin dishevelled figure came rushing towards her out of the gloom. It was Willow, who flung her arms round her in a big hug. The others quickly appeared behind her and they all joined in, even Giles, to her (and his) surprise.  
  
"We were afraid the whole building had fallen in on you, Buffy. Stuff was coming down everywhere when we got out".  
  
"Didn't you have time to go into the portal, Buff?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah, what happened back there? Did it shrink too quickly for you?" Xander said.  
  
"Well...", Buffy started to say, but was interrupted by a shrill scream from somewhere nearby in the gloom.  
  
"Hey, bat signal, or what?" Xander exclaimed.  
  
"Definitely fray adjacent, by the sound of it!" Buffy said. "Everyone grab something sharp and woody. Sounds like the vamps are taking advantage of the situation".  
  
"Doesn't it strike you as funny that they were already out and about in large numbers earlier this evening?" Xander commented as they cast around in the gloom for things that would do as makeshift weapons.  
  
"You know, I wondered about that", Giles said, relieving Buffy of the little axe she was still carrying. "Do you suppose they know something we don't?"  
  
"They might already know about the impending end of the world, universe or whatever", Buffy replied, picking up a pool cue that was lying in the road, and snapping it in half to get two sharp wooden makeshift stakes. She tossed one each to Willow and Xander, produced Mr. Pointy from the back of her belt, and they started to move towards the sounds of a disturbance a little way away.  
  
Someone was shouting, then there were more screams, and then silence. Buffy broke into a run, leaving the others picking their way through the semi-darkness. Her night vision enabled her to find the origin of the cries, but when the others caught up with her they found her looking down at the bodies of a young family of five strewn about in the street. There were dark stains all over the roadway - it looked as if they had been torn apart by wild animals - they were not a pretty sight.  
  
"Gone. I was too late". The sadness in her voice was painful for the others to hear.   
  
Giles patted her comfortingly on the shoulder. "It's not your fault", he reassured her.  
  
"You've said that before, but it always feels like it is when I don't get there in time".  
  
"You can't be everywhere at once, Buffy. You know that. You do all you can, and more".  
  
"It just doesn't feel like I do. It's never quite enough. And now everything just seems to be going to hell in a hand basket. Dawn and Spike and Michael are somewhere we don't know where", (Giles winced slightly at her grammar) "and the Magic Box is in ruins. You weren't even insured yet, and all your stock is gone. Oh, except I saved this for you. I guess you could start restocking with it".  
  
She pulled out something she'd also had tucked in her belt, and handed it to him. The object looked like a severely overdone joint of meat. Giles took it gingerly and tried to smile and look grateful.  
  
"Er, thank you, Buffy. May I ask what it is?"  
  
"Fire demon's pinkie. I cut it off. It came up through the floor just as I was about to jump into the hole so I chopped it with the axe - it was a bit miffed!"  
  
"I should hope so", Xander said, looking at the burnt offering. "That thing must be eighteen inches long. I shouldn't like to lose a part of me that long, myself!"  
  
"I wouldn't like you to either", Anya commented and she tucked her arm through his. "My own little fire demon!"  
  
Tara and Willow gave each other a look, snorted, and burst out laughing.  
  
"Good old Xander - always suspected he'd be hot stuff one day", Willow said.  
  
"What happened to the demon? Did you kill it?" Giles continued.  
  
"I wish! No, it was huge. And burning hot too. It just gave a sort of howl and sank into the ground again. I guess it lived deep underground, and was brought to the surface by the earthquake activity".  
  
"What about the portal?" Willow asked, serious again.  
  
Buffy shrugged.  
  
"Snapped shut like a rat trap and vanished. Then the building caved in, so I made an excuse and left".  
  
"Then we don't know if our expedition got back yet?"  
  
"No". Buffy thought for a moment. "Willow, when they return, if they return, will it be to where they set out from?"  
  
"Well, if the way they went is shut, they'll have to find another route back, and they may not end up precisely where they started".  
  
"Too bloody right, witch girl", said a voice from the gloom behind them.  
  
  
End Of Part Eight. To Be Continued... 


	9. Ride Of The Valkeries

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 09/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Nine - 'Ride Of The Valkeries' - Wagner.  
  
  
Three people responded simultaneously to the figures emerging from the dust and smoke.  
  
"Spike!" said Willow. "You look scorched. Are you OK?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Being trapped in a cellar and done to a crisp by some sort of lava monster is my idea of the perfect evening out. It'll be weeks before my bloody eyebrows grow back!"  
  
"Dawn!" said Buffy, welcoming her sister with a fierce hug. "Your hair's all singed. What happened to you? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Any burns? Where did you go to? Is that The Spear?"  
  
Dawn waved the weapon in the air with a big grin.  
  
"The real thing. I killed the fire demon with it!"  
  
"Long story", Spike said over her shoulder.  
  
"Short version?", Buffy said briskly.  
  
"Fell through the ceiling after us, little sister poked it with that, turned it to cold stone. Zap! Never seen anything like it!"  
  
"Then we dug our way out through the cellar wall, 'cos the doorway was blocked up and our way in had sort of vanished", Dawn said, picking up the story. "Then we sneaked through miles of corridors under the Vatican, to keep in the shade of course. Luckily no one seemed to notice us. And we even got to see the Pope, but he was asleep".  
  
"Good thing too - it wouldn't have done to have the old fellow wake up to find a vampire in his bedroom, would it? We didn't want to frighten the old guy to death, now did we?" Spike commented.  
  
"The Vatican? I guess that makes some kind of sense. So how did you get back?" Tara asked.  
  
"Walked right into the centre of Saint Peter's, under the dome", said Spike. "Dunno why nobody spotted us among the tourists, but I suppose Michael could explain that. Anyway, he did his own mojo - some sort of dead language, don't ask me, couldn't make out what - and here we all are again. You know, even the blasted floor there must be holy - my boots were smoking!"   
  
"So we left there hotfoot", Dawn added with a grin.  
  
"Michael, good to see all of you back in one piece", Giles said quietly. "A lot's happened here since you went through the portal".  
  
"So I see". Michael too sounded calm and cool, despite the obvious signs of disaster visible everywhere around them. He was wearing his hat again, though it was a little battered now and covered in dust.  
  
"Yes. Well I hope you got what you went for, because it rather looks as if you've come back just in time for the grand finale", Giles said.  
  
"As you can see, we did indeed succeed, but don't worry, this is not the end yet. This is only the beginning of the end" Michael told him soberly. "The real end will be much worse".  
  
"Optimistic much?. Just what we need right now", Buffy commented quietly, but only Willow heard her.  
  
"Well then", said Giles, "if we don't stop it I suspect the real end is going to turn out to be a close approximation of the Apocalypse that so many people have been so keen to bring about, these last few years. Perhaps a little more comprehensive than they intended, of course".  
  
"So this really is going to be the end of the world?" Xander asked, having only caught the last part of the conversation.  
  
"Of this entire Universe", Michael corrected him soberly. "This, as they say, is the proverbial 'it'".  
  
"So what do we do now?" Anya asked. "We have the invincible weapon, don't we? Why aren't we using it?"  
  
"First we have to find where the other Universe is going to break through into ours. And we don't have much time - to judge by what's happening here right now the process must have already started".  
  
"But where is that, and how long have we got?"  
  
"Over there!" Dawn suddenly announced, pointing dramatically with The Spear. The others all stared at her.  
  
"How do you know?" Buffy asked her, a little surprised.  
  
Dawn looked at her older sister pityingly, as if she'd said something stupid. "I just know. I can feel it, of course. It's over there", she repeated.  
  
"That might be The Spear's influence", Giles told them. "It could be giving her powers she wouldn't normally have. How far away, Dawn?"  
  
"Not far. A couple of miles. What's in that direction?"  
  
The three original members of the Scooby Gang looked at Giles, and he looked at them.  
  
"The ruins of the old High School", they all four said simultaneously.  
  
"Of course, with the Hellmouth directly under the library! Where else would the Apocalypse start?" Buffy said. "We can get there in less than quarter of an hour if we run".  
  
"Du-uh", said Spike. " Let's drive, it's so much quicker. Anyway I'm knackered, and my feet are killing me. Giles, where did you park your car?"  
  
"Round the back of the shop". He looked round in the smoke and gloom, trying to orient himself. "Over there I think, isn't it?"  
  
"No, over there", said Xander, shaking his head. "You librarian types, no idea, no bump of location". He tapped his forehead to clarify his meaning.  
  
"No, no. Over that way", Anya told him. "We saw this body first, so we must have come from over there".  
  
"Buffy?" Willow asked. "Do you know which way the shop is?"  
  
"Was", Buffy corrected her. "It fell on me. There's just a great big pile of rubble and wreckage now. But it's definitely over that way", and she pointed confidently in another direction entirely.  
  
"You're all wrong", Dawn told them. "If the school's that way, then the shop's that way", and she pointed equally confidently in a fourth direction.  
  
"Well", said Giles, "we seem to have a choice of every point of the compass, which gets us absolutely nowhere. Unless, Michael, have you got any idea?"  
  
"It's academic, in any case", Spike said. "You don't have to go and find your car - your car's coming to us. I'd get out of the road if I were you".  
  
"What did you say? I don't understand", said Giles. "How can my car be coming this way?"  
  
Spike gave him the sort of look teachers reserve for very slow pupils, rolled his eyes to the heavens, and said in clear distinct tones "Because it's been stolen", and he pointed into the gloom.  
  
Two lights could be seen approaching through the smoke, veering erratically this way and that across the narrow street. Everyone scattered to avoid being mown down, and Giles caught a glimpse of his fine new red open topped sports car filled with at least half a dozen demons, laughing and shouting, and banging on the sides of the vehicle. Already it had several dents in it, the front fender was missing, and one of the headlights was hanging loose, though it was still working.  
  
"My lovely car!" exclaimed Giles, horrified, his voice half an octave higher than normal. "You vandals! Stop thief!" and he started to run after it, wildly waving his axe.  
  
Suddenly the car screeched to a halt, and most of the demons piled out,. They started to walk back towards him, some menacingly waving clubs and swords, all of them obviously looking for a fight.  
  
'Right', thought Buffy, scooping up some building debris from the road. She selected half a brick, weighed it briefly in her hand, and then let fly with it.  
  
Giles flinched as it whizzed loudly past his ear, but instead of hitting one of the approaching demons, it struck the only one still sitting in the car - the driver - hitting it on the back of the head with a thud. It gave an anguished howl and fell out of the driver's door onto the roadway, as dead as a doornail!  
  
The other demons stopped in their tracks and looked back at their suddenly deceased companion, then at each other, and then charged straight at Giles. Another brick skimmed past his other ear as he raised his axe, prepared to do battle to rescue his beloved car. This one struck the forehead of the leading demon with a loud crack of breaking bone, and it fell flat on its face at Giles' feet, and never moved again.   
  
Now Buffy ran up to where he stood bravely swinging his axe to and fro, and let fly with another hefty missile, which crunched into another ugly snarling face. Behind them, shouting and cheers indicated that the other Scoobies were rapidly approaching in support, and then Dawn ran straight past all of them and speared the nearest remaining demon, which instantly turned into what seemed to be solid stone.  
  
That left three others (the car had been very full of demons). Now outnumbered, they looked at each other anxiously, and while they delayed, Dawn speared a second one, which turned immediately into another very ugly stone statue, and Buffy scored another direct hit with a brick. That left one, which froze in sheer horror as Giles stepped forwards and swung his little axe.  
  
The head leaped from the demon's shoulders, and hit one of its two petrified companions, which fell over and brought down the other one with it.  
  
"Strike!" shouted Dawn. "Yay, we win!" and she started dancing round the fallen stone figures, leaping about like a primitive savage, her hair flying, shaking The Spear in the air and whooping like a Native American in a cowboy film.  
  
Michael grabbed her arm, and pointed at the car.  
  
"Everybody in", he said firmly. "I don't think we have much time left. 'The end of the world is at hand' as they say".  
  
"He's right. Everyone pile in", Giles said, dragging the dead demon that had been driving his precious car away from the vehicle, and wiping the spattered green blood off the dashboard with his handkerchief.  
  
They all squeezed into the car, which was not even a real four seater, just a two plus two. Somehow Michael and Buffy both managed to find room to sit in the front with Giles, and Dawn stood precariously hanging on to the windscreen, waving her spear. Everyone else found somewhere in the back, either squashed into the two small seats, or sitting on the trunk of the car with their feet either side of the seated passengers.  
  
"'Hold very tight please - Ting ting!' Here we go", Giles announced, and the car ground reluctantly into forward motion. Once started it seemed a lot happier and picked up speed, though seeing through the murk was a big problem.  
  
Buffy leaned out of her side of the vehicle so that with her keener Slayer eyesight she could warn Giles of any obstructions, stray people, vampires or demons wandering about in their path. The first two Giles carefully slowed down for and avoided, the latter two he cheerfully and vengefully accelerated at and attempted to run down.  
  
The air began to clear as they got out of Sunnydale's central shopping district, and they could pick up speed. Now they could see where they were going. Emergency vehicles were dashing about, sirens wailing. Stars became visible in the night sky, and Giles had time to look round at his car crammed full with passengers. All the girls' hair flying wildly in the slipstream, their fierce expressions looking forwards into the darkness ahead towards the battle about to be joined, the weapons firmly grasped, The Spear in Dawn's hand pointing the way, somehow brought to mind a production of Wagner's Ring Cycle he'd once seen, and he smiled wryly to himself.   
  
This other universe, with its single strange inhabitant and its power to completely engulf their own continuum, had no idea what was coming to get it! His car may well be currently doing a good imitation of a middle eastern taxicab, crammed to the gills and greatly overloaded, with its suspension compressed utterly beyond its design specifications, but to him it was a war chariot, and he started to hum Wagner's magnificent theme 'The Ride Of The Valkeries' to himself with a stupid grin on his face!  
  
  
End Of Part Nine. To Be Continued... 


	10. White Light, White Heat

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 10/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon  
Disclaimer: In the beginning there was Joss. And Joss said "Let there be Buffy". And there was Buffy. And it was the morning and the evening of the first episode. And lo, Joss saw that it was good. (All copyrights and trademarks acknowledged - it's all just a bit of fun, folks. Thank you.)  
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Ten - 'White Light, White Heat' - The Velvet Underground.  
  
  
"If any traffic cop is stupid enough to try and stop us now, he's going to get a thick ear from me", Giles shouted above the engine noise as they sped through the growing chaos that was spreading through Sunnydale.  
  
"Wow, Giles! Mr aggression man!" Xander exclaimed.  
  
"However they probably have more than enough to do, what with all the vampires and demons, and the earthquake damage and fires", Giles added over his shoulder. "Anyway, we must be nearly there now".  
  
He swerved the car to avoid a huge fissure that opened up in the road just as he spoke, the rear wheel scrabbling for purchase on the very lip of the crack.  
  
"A bit too close for comfort, that", Willow said, and hung onto Tara even tighter than she already had been. The two girls looked at each other briefly, and then stared anxiously out into the swirling murk again.  
  
"Is it my imagination, or is this stuff getting thicker?" Xander asked. "I can see a glow up ahead - do you suppose the old school is on fire?"  
  
"No bad thing if it is", Buffy said.  
  
"What's to burn?" Dawn asked. "I thought you guys blew it into tiny little pieces".  
  
Michael shook his head doubtfully.  
  
"That's not a good sign. Things must already be happening. I suspect the other universe has already started to make its entry into this continuum. Hurry, Giles! Hurry!"  
  
The next moment, as they turned into the road running past the ruins of the school, there was a huge crash as something landed heavily on the hood of the car, crushing the whole engine block down onto the roadway. The vehicle stopped dead, and everyone was thrown forward by the impact. Buffy just managed to grab Dawn in time to save her from falling head over heels over the top of the windscreen. Everyone in the back fell in a heap.  
  
"So, Michael. Nice to see you. Introduce me to your little friends, why don't you?".  
  
Stunned, they all stared upwards. Towering over them as high as a house, standing on the crumpled remains of the front of the car, was a huge dark figure with horns, great bat like leathery wings and a long barbed tail, which waved about as if it had a life of its own, pointing first at one and then another of the Scoobies, seeming to examine them individually and to dismiss them, until it came to point at Dawn and her spear.  
  
"Sssso!" The creature hissed angrily at them, sounding like a snake speaking. "I see you've come to interfere as usual! Why can't you leave things alone? You are always trying to spoil things for us. We only want to have a little fun. Where's the harm in that?"  
  
Buffy cautiously pulled Dawn out of the car with her. Those in the back scrambled out over the trunk, and they all retreated a little way, leaving Michael, now standing, and Giles still stuck at the wheel of the inert vehicle, to face the great demon.  
  
"Anyone know who that is?" Xander whispered. "He looks kinda familiar".  
  
"He certainly should be", Tara said, but before she could enlighten them she was interrupted by Michael, shouting back at the creature.  
  
"I see you are up to your usual tricks again, Azazel. Well, not this time!"  
  
Michael's voice could be heard clearly over the roaring sound of the building burning, and the shouts and screams from the darkness beyond.  
  
"We're just having a little barbecue here, don't ruin it! Don't be a party pooper, Michael", the creature protested, but Michael threw off his hat, opened his coat, and slowly and deliberately drew his sword.   
  
Their surroundings were immediately illuminated as if they were spot lit by invisible Klieg lights, and every single detail on the demon's skin was clearly visible - each horrible wart and hair and scale, the great red eyes with their unearthly vertical slit pupils, and the great batwings looming over them.  
  
"Be Gone!", Michael said, in a firm clear voice that sounded like a great bell. He pointed his sword at the demon he'd addressed as Azazel, and the creature howled in fury and lashed its long tail this way and that. It stamped its great clawed foot in frustration, causing the back end of the car to shoot up in the air and tossing Giles up out of the driver's seat. Like lightening the demon snatched him out of the air and dangled him upside down by one foot. It began to laugh, quietly. It sounded like a rock slide. Everyone froze in horror.  
  
Except the Summers girls. Buffy was again carrying Giles' axe (he hadn't needed it while driving, of course) and without so much as glancing at each other, she and Dawn began to walk slowly forwards. Buffy discreetly started to move round to one side of the huge creature, while Dawn, more direct and to the point, raised The Spear to chest height, and advanced with her face set as if she was a whole army of spearmen.  
  
After a moment the demon's tail seemed to become aware of their approach and whipped round to point at first one and then the other. Their apparently small female harmlessness seemed to amuse the creature greatly and it laughed uproariously. It sounded like a steam train wreck.  
  
Unthinkingly it let the tip of its tail come close to Buffy, within an arm's length. Too close, that was all she needed. With her free hand she grabbed at it, and the little hand axe chopped viciously down and through!  
  
The demon gave a great angry bellow of pain, dropped its prey, and whipped the damaged tail out of harm's way. It bowled Buffy over, but she bounced up just like a rubber ball and waved her new souvenir over her head.  
  
"Hey, Mister Ugly! You lost something?" she shouted, and skipped away out of reach as it spun round to grab at her. This gave Dawn a chance to use The Spear, charging forwards and vigorously applying it to what, even in demons, is a tender part of the anatomy. With an agonised howl it leaped into the air and flapped away up out of reach above them into the upper darkness.  
  
Everybody covered their ears to protect them from the deafening volume of its furious yells and curses, but as the sound faded there wasn't even time to congratulate themselves on driving it away. Before Michael had even stepped out of the crushed wreckage of Giles's car, and helped him to his feet, they found that they were now surrounded by a great horde of assorted vampires, demons and other unidentifiable beings, some of which they'd not even come across in the Watchers' Council reference books! They just seemed to appear out of nowhere from among the ruins of the school, and were all standing and staring at the intrepid Scooby Gang.  
  
Hastily everyone clustered together, back to back.  
  
"Remind me not to go out driving at night with you again any time soon, Michael", Xander joked grimly. "I would have been perfectly content with a movie, a pizza, and maybe dusting a handful of vampires. But fighting the entire bad guy population of the West Coast? Well, I'm not so sure about that. On the whole I think not. As for insisting on demon tail, medium rare - did you see his expression when he flew off? That was one extremely pissed-off demon if I'm not mistaken".  
  
"You should be grateful he didn't stop to argue with us, Xander", Anya told him. "That was no ordinary demon, that was the Great One himself".  
  
"You know him? Who he, then?" Xander asked.  
  
"Why, The Fallen One of course. When I was still a young vengeance demon myself, not more than three or four hundred years old, we never actually spoke his name, but I thought you humans all knew about him".  
  
"She's right, and we do", Giles said shakily, dusting himself off, and gingerly testing his arms and legs for damage. "I suppose we shouldn't really be surprised. After all, when the end of the world comes, you have to expect Satan himself to turn up and join in the fun!"  
  
*  
  
"I thought the end of the world was supposed to be announced with trumpets in the sky and stuff", Xander said. He sounded a trifle disappointed.  
  
"Oh, if it really was the end of all things, then yes", Michael replied. "Everybody would be here, the dead would rise, everything would take place just as written".  
  
"The wailing and gnashing of teeth and everything?"  
  
"The whole works", Michael assured him.  
  
"But it's not due yet, Xander", Willow said. "Don't you understand? That's the whole point. That's why Michael is here - it's not supposed to happen yet, maybe not for aeons. Isn't that right, Michael?"  
  
"I don't know when it *is* scheduled, they haven't told me that, but the end of *this* universe isn't supposed to happen today - 'maybe tomorrow, I just can't say'".  
  
Only Giles caught the Jimi Hendrix quote, and it cheered him up immensely. To find that this messenger from The Powers That Be seemed to have a sense of humour after all made him feel a little better already!  
  
"What about all these characters, then?" Buffy said, waving her hand at the huge crowd of the undead and assorted demons and other creatures that encircled them. "I don't think we'll be able to fight our way through all of them, even with your help - there's just too many".  
  
"Ignore them", Michael said, surprisingly. "Just wave that piece of tail at them".  
  
Buffy gave him a look - her special 'you're kidding me' expression she kept for certain critical occasions.  
  
"Yeah. 'Shake that tail feather, baby'", Spike told her. "They aren't going to get in your way in a hurry, Slayer, believe you me".  
  
"It's got mucho mojo power", Willow said. "Look who it came from".  
  
"OK, OK then. I'll even do my old cheerleader routine if you think it'll help".  
  
"Just hold it up where they can see it, and they'll move back for us", Michael said quietly.  
  
"Right, then. Which way to the end of the Universe?" said Buffy.  
  
Giles pointed into the ruins of the High School where a steadily increasing glow could be seen through the swirling smoke.  
  
"I'd say over there, towards the brightest part", he said. "It looks as if that's where all the action is".  
  
Buffy raised the great barbed end severed from the tail of The Fallen One high above her head, and a huge sigh went through the assembled ranks of Hellspawn. It died away to silence, broken only by distant screams, the faint subsonic rumble of earth tremors, and the subdued roaring sound of all the fires burning everywhere throughout Sunnydale.  
  
"Lead on, MacDuff", said Xander.  
  
"It's 'Lay on, MacDuff' actually", Giles said, and straightened his glasses.  
  
"OK, 'Lead kindly light, then'. Same difference I guess, mister pedantic library man. Just let's get moving - the clock is ticking".  
  
"Or the sands of time are running out, if you'd prefer a classical analogy".  
  
"Yeah. Right. Whatever".  
  
*  
  
They stood at the top of a gigantic pile of rubble which was all that was left of the old Sunnydale High School, looking down into a great burning hollow that seemed to have been excavated in the middle of the ruins. It was like looking into the Pit of Hell itself.  
  
The heat was unbelievable, yet somehow they were not burned by it. The light was unbearably intense, yet somehow they were not blinded by it. They were in the most terrifying place in the whole world, yet they were neither frightened nor fearful. They stood perfectly calm in conditions approximating the centre of a small nuclear explosion, but one that went on and on and on unceasingly. They stood unharmed and unafraid, and they didn't wonder how or why not.  
  
Down in the hollow itself conditions were even more extreme, if that were possible, and at the lowest point of all there was something utterly incomprehensible. Concentrated in a place only a few tens of feet across was an entire universe.  
  
And within that universe something moved.  
  
"It's beautiful", Buffy said, astonished.  
  
"It looks like an egg", Tara said quietly.  
  
"It's a Cosmic Egg. There's a whole other universe in there", Willow told them. "That's what ours looked like just after the Big Bang, except of course ours was spreading out, lickety-split, as fast as it possibly could".  
  
"A whole universe in there? How can it be so small?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Yup, the whole deal, everything from soup to nuts. But it's not going to stay that way for very long", Willow said seriously. "Once that egg makes up its mind it's time to hatch there'll be no stopping it. Isn't that right, Michael?"  
  
He nodded. "That's why we're here, Dawn, and we seem to be only just in time. Once the D'yah Ba'Wuk starts to break through, to create the opening into this universe, we have to stop it immediately. *You* have to stop it. Do you feel ready?"  
  
The girl looked at him steadily, The Spear gripped firmly in both hands. She nodded and then turned her gaze back down into the burning fiery furnace below them.  
  
"What exactly does it look like? Will I even be able to see it?" she asked in a small voice.  
  
"I think we are about to find out".  
  
Something down in the unbelievable glare was moving slowly, a shape within the brightest light, something turning and coiling and uncoiling upon itself. A head? A body? What? Dawn grasped The Spear more firmly and stepped forwards to the rim of the crater. And a piece of broken brick under her foot shifted...  
  
  
End Of Part Ten. To Be Continued... 


	11. The End

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 11/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon.  
Disclaimer: The-Powers-That-Be own everything. 'Nuff said?   
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Eleven - 'The End' - The Doors.  
  
  
"Look out! Grab her!"  
  
Buffy leaped forward to catch her sister's arm, and was pulled back by a hand much stronger than she was.  
  
"Let me go! She'll fall, she'll be killed down there!"  
  
Michael stood there holding Buffy back, gripping her firmly by the elbows. She kicked out at him and fought violently, trying to twist out of his grasp, but it was as if she was a small child held in the steel hands of a giant.  
  
"It's the way things are, Buffy", he told her. He seemed completely calm, exactly the opposite of the Scoobies. "Be still. Let your sister go to do her destiny - it's what has to be for your universe".  
  
"Damn you, Michael, stop talking in cliches! This isn't her destiny. It's not! You know that don't you - you seem to know everything! It can't be this!" Buffy cried out, but she struggled vainly.  
  
Meanwhile Dawn slid gradually down the slope on a slowly moving avalanche of rubble, maintaining her balance all the time as if she was surfing, and using The Spear as a balance pole like a tightrope walker. She never cried out, she never spoke a word, not a sound. She didn't even look back.  
  
Up on the edge of the crater everyone was shouting at Michael at the tops of their voices and struggling to rush after Dawn, but somehow, by saying 'Be Still' to Buffy, his words had taken control over them all so that they were completely helpless, and none of them could even take a single step forwards. All bar one were fixed to the spot, and unnoticed, he stepped quietly over the rim and began the long slippery descent after the girl.  
  
The voices of those high above died away in the roaring of the heat and light all around him, until he could no longer hear them.  
  
And strangely, the lower he got into the Pit, the quieter it became. When he reached the bottom everything around him was absolutely silent, and he could see Dawn a little way away from him, transfixed by the sight of the Egg in front of her, with the D'Yah Ba'Wuk moving and shifting and seeming to change its shape inside its translucent shell all the while.  
  
Quietly he walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder. Perfectly calmly she half turned, and looked over her shoulder at him.  
  
"Hello Spike", she said with a smile. "Fancy meeting you here".  
  
"Nice to see you still in one piece, platelet. I just happened to be passing by, and I thought you could use a little company. You OK on what you have to do?"  
  
"Oh yes, but it does seem a shame, though. We'll destroy that universe just to save this one".  
  
Spike shrugged. "It has to be, kiddo. That's just the way this Multiverse thing seems to work. Sad, but true - it's them or us - the old Law Of The Jungle".  
  
"It's a pity, though. It's a beautiful looking thing".  
  
Dawn stood and looked directly into the heart of the brightest object this side of the sun, tapping her foot absent mindedly, and whistling to herself while she waited for the universe in front of her to start to hatch. She seemed to have forgotten that outside, Sunnydale was going down in flames and mayhem, but all that seemed utterly unimportant as they stood waiting.  
  
Up above on the rim the others, exhausted from their impossible struggle with Michael, watched in angry, anxious silence.  
  
"Nothing's happening", said Xander. "Can you see anything, Buffy? You've got the best eyesight of all of us".  
  
"No, nothing's happening. They're just standing there. I'm glad she's got someone with her, at least, though it should be me down there". She looked daggers at Michael, who still had hold of her arm. She shook herself loose and moved away to stand by Giles. Willow came and put an arm round her briefly.  
  
"She'll be fine, Buffy. Really. Michael won't let anything happen to her, I'm quite sure".  
  
"I wish I was so sure. I swear if she's harmed I'll tear him to pieces if it's the last thing I ever do. I don't care if he is a messenger from The Powers That Be, I'd take them on too".  
  
"I know you would. We all would. We all love Dawn. The world wouldn't be the same without her".  
  
Buffy looked at her friend sharply, but immediately realised that Willow had only meant exactly what she'd just said - she couldn't possibly know anything of the truth about Dawn.  
  
"Thanks, Wills. I know you all care too, just as much as I do".  
  
They peered back down into the glare. Something was happening.  
  
The vague shape inside the Egg stopped slowly twisting and turning this way and that, and moved towards the end where Dawn and Spike stood watching it. They could see its large head in blurred silhouette, a strange uncertain oval with what appeared to be tentacles or feelers sprouting out of where the face must be. It came right up against the inner surface, and they could see what looked like two bulging eyes peering out, as if hoping to make out some details of where it was about to emerge.  
  
"Not so beautiful in close-up, is it, twiglet?".  
  
"I've seen much prettier having half-bricks thrown at them in the street. This one definitely gets zero's for charm and sophistication".  
  
As Dawn spoke she was readying her weapon for action, getting it into a position in which she could throw it at an instant's notice.  
  
"Spike, when it breaks through its shell, you might want to be a little further away - just so I don't bump you with my elbow, of course", she said kindly, thinking of how helpless and frightened even an undead friend might be feeling in these circumstances.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm sticking with you. I'll move round to your other side to be out of the way though, that's all", he said, not feeling nearly as confident as he was trying to sound. He tried to encourage her in his turn. "It's going to be just like when we were in the cellar, only a bit hotter, right?"  
  
"Right", agreed Dawn, not taking her eyes off the D'Yah Ba'Wuk, though she really appreciated his encouragement. Then she added "I know this might sound dumb, but doesn't it look slightly familiar? I've a strange feeling - it's almost as if I've seen something like it somewhere before".  
  
"Huh?" said Spike, but that was all he had time for, because that was the instant the thing inside the Egg opened a mouth full of gigantic teeth, and jabbed forwards at the shell.  
  
It didn't break like an ordinary egg, but then the circumstances were far from ordinary anyway. Instead the shell began to burn away from the point of contact, creating a hole for the creature to poke its head through into Dawn's universe. Then, when the opening was large enough, the burning stopped and faded away, leaving the monster glaring out at them with huge eyes.   
  
"Boy, what an ugly bastard!" Dawn said.  
  
"Absolutely! Look at that long scaly neck, that could stretch out at least as far as us. You mind out for those claws, too!" Spike said, unable to take his eyes off it either. Then, to his surprise, Dawn started to giggle.  
  
High above them on the edge of the crater, Michael and the Scoobies watched as the shell burned away to release the monster. When it poked its head through the opening and started to swing its head to and fro on its snake like neck, Giles gave a sudden exclamation, and to everyone's astonishment he too started to laugh.  
  
The others all turned and stared at him in amazement, but Buffy was watching the events down in the Pit like a hawk, and she realised that Dawn had been distracted by something. She was obviously not properly prepared to defend herself - her Spear was no longer at the ready. She couldn't make out what was going on down there, but she knew that she shouldn't be up where she was, unable to help her little sister. A quick glance told her that Michael's attention was distracted as the others clustered round Giles, who was now doubled up, laughing helplessly with tears running down his face, pointing at the D'Yah Ba'Wuk, and trying to speak.  
  
"Look, look", he was saying, "don't you recognise it? Don't any of you read books any more?" By now he was almost too incoherent to be understood.  
  
So from where she stood, Buffy simply dived headlong over the rim of the Pit, and somersaulted down the slope for quite a way before slowing her uncontrolled descent - spreading out her arms and legs, and digging in with her toes and grabbing at the rubble with her hands, not caring how much damage she was doing to her fingernails. When she came to a halt she scrambled to her feet, shaking the dust out of her hair as she continued to slide slowly down in a shower of rubble, and started to run on downhill, overtaking the debris she'd already disturbed as she went.  
  
The two small figures standing transfixed in front of the remains of the Egg hardly showed any surprise when she finally joined them.  
  
"Hiya B. What do you think of him?" Dawn said without even looking round. She was still giggling a little at the appearance of the monster. "Don't you think he looks a little familiar? Reminds you of something? He does me".  
  
Now she was close up, Buffy looked keenly at the creature - and did a double take.  
  
"Hey! It's as if I've seen it before. But how? And what was it? And where was it?"  
  
"What the hell are you two talking about?" Spike asked, completely at a loss. "Do you mean to say you've come across this thing before?"  
  
"Oh sorry, Spike. No, not exactly", Dawn said. "I guess you're too old - it must be from way after your time. It's..."  
  
She didn't have a chance to finish what she was about to say, because right at that moment the D'Yah Ba'Wuk opened its mouth very wide, and then everything seemed to happen at once.  
  
It breathed in.  
  
And in.  
  
And in, and in, and in...  
  
And everything, the whole of Dawn's world, Buffy's world, Spike's world, gradually started to move towards it.  
  
First a hot gust of wind from nowhere lifted all the dust into the air, everywhere in the world, and started to slowly draw it towards the other universe. And as the wind gradually increased, larger material around them began to move with it too - sand, grit, gravel, fragments of stones, broken bricks, the rubble of the High School, all started to shift and move towards the centre of the light.  
  
High above, Michael stretched out his hands, one holding his sword, around which sparks were playing like an insane halo of lightening, and spoke loudly and clearly in an ancient language. Giles abruptly stopped laughing and wiped his face, straightened up and began to accompany him. Tara and Willow joined in, somehow not needing to know what they were saying, just following Michael's words. Poor Xander watched open mouthed as the world he lived in began to be sucked into the other universe, like so much fluff into a hoover, and Anya gave a subdued shriek and buried her face in his shirt.  
  
Buffy, Dawn and Spike stood with the wind rising about them, as if they were in the path of a massive hurricane, and clung to each other.  
  
"The Spear, Dawn! The Spear!" Buffy shouted over the noise. "This is what it's for! Use it!"  
  
Her sister looked at her and smiled. She felt completely calm. Now she knew what she was here for. She turned back to face the creature from the Pit and balanced her weapon in her right hand, carefully taking her aim. She would have only one shot.  
  
"Just throw the bloody thing, Niblet! It's so bleeding close you couldn't miss it facing the other way with both your bloody eyes shut!" Spike bellowed above the roar of the wind, vainly trying to shield himself by turning up the collar of his long leather coat.  
  
So she threw The Spear.   
  
Spike was right. She couldn't miss.  
  
"Hasta la vista, baby!" she shouted after it.  
  
The Spear went straight into the creature's mouth, just like everything else.  
  
The D'Yah Ba'Wuk abruptly snapped its mouth shut with a great gulp and suddenly looked pained, as if it was suffering from chronic indigestion.   
  
And in that instant the wind stopped.  
  
Everything went absolutely quiet, just like that. There was no sound, no howling of the wind, no roaring of flames as the ruins burned, no screams in the distance. For that one long moment the world was utterly silent.  
  
Then the monster looked almost sadly at Dawn, slowly lowered its head, and gradually, gradually began to shrink away back into the remains of the Egg, getting smaller and smaller. It almost seemed to her that it was as if it was slowly receding into an infinite distance until there was nothing left, and as it did so the unbelievable brilliance began to fade, leaving them all blinded by the light.  
  
Darkness fell gratefully on Sunnydale, the normal darkness of a normal November evening in normal Southern California - that is if anywhere in the Sunnydale area of Southern California can be said to be anything approaching normal anyway!  
  
As their eyes began to become accustomed to the ordinary level of darkness, Buffy realised that her sister was crying uncontrollably, and she put her arms round her to comfort her.  
  
"I killed it", Dawn sobbed. "I didn't really want to hurt it at all".  
  
"You had to", Buffy told her, and patted her gently. "That's what Slayers do". 'Now you know how I feel sometimes', she added, but that was just to herself.  
  
  
End Of Part Eleven. To Be Concluded... 


	12. Tomorrow Never Knows

Title: "Episode 83 & 1/2 - With A Little Help From My Friends".  
Part: 12/12  
Author: "A Gentleman Of Leisure".  
Summary: There's a stranger in town and the world's about to end. Who you gonna call?  
Story Type: In-Canon adventure set between Episodes 83 & 84 (hence the title).  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up to Series 5, Episode 83 (of course).  
Pairing: In-Canon.  
Disclaimer: The-Powers-That-Be own everything. 'Nuff said?   
  
Author's Note: I'm a British writer, so there may be some terms (and spelling) not used in the US. OK? Now read on...  
  
*  
  
Part Twelve - 'Tomorrow Never Knows' - The Beatles.  
  
  
"Well, I suppose it's time for explanations", Michael said, leaning back in his chair with a cup of Giles' best Lapsang Souchong tea.  
  
Except for Spike they were all sitting round the table again in a strangely undamaged Magic Box, in the centre of the somehow totally restored town of Sunnydale. Buffy glanced at her watch, then outside, and realised that in some manner, although time had apparently passed, everything that had occurred was as if it had never happened at all.  
  
"What did you just do?" she asked. "I distinctly remember this place falling down on top of me as I jumped out of the window into the street. Which by the way also seems to be entirely undamaged. How come?"  
  
"And also why?" Willow added.  
  
"And _how_ did you manage it without us noticing?" said the rest of the Scooby gang.  
  
Giles looked at them all and shook his head, still a little bemused, and at that moment the shop bell clattered as an indignant Spike arrived and threw himself into the last empty chair.  
  
"So where the hell did you lot get to? You tell me that. Why was it only me that had to walk back? I only stopped to talk to some friends, and when I looked you'd all bloody gone".  
  
"Exercise is good for you Spike, did your mother never tell you that?" Buffy said.  
  
"No, and she didn't tell me to eat my greens either", he snarled.  
  
"Dead Boy's in a temper", said Xander. "We got a ride back in Giles' nice shiny red sports car".  
  
"Strangely restored nice shiny etcetera", Giles said.  
  
"I loved it when that traffic cop pulled you over".  
  
"Yeah", said Dawn. "'Listen bub, don't you know you're driving on the wrong side of the road?'" she added, using a deep voice to impersonate the police officer.  
  
"'Sorry ossiffer' says Giles, 'do you mean as opposed to the right side of the road?'", Xander recited in his best fake Giles accent.  
  
"'Yeah. Don't you British know that over here in the good old US of A, the left side is the wrong side?'"  
  
"'And the right side is the right side? I'm terribly sorry constabule'".  
  
"And then the cop tells him to get out and put his hands on the roof!" said Dawn, giggling.  
  
"And then Michael points out there isn't a roof, 'cos it's a rag-top and it's folded down. I loved that! So cool".  
  
"And then he tells Michael to get out as well! I was nearly in hysterics!"  
  
"Well, thank you both so much for that little action replay recitation", Giles said. "I'm just glad Michael was able to simply tell him to get back in his patrol car and make him drive away and forget he'd even stopped us. After all, we did have seven in the car".  
  
"Well, we had eight up before", Dawn pointed out.  
  
"Yes, but that was when the world was about to end. I think the police were rather busier then".  
  
"Well, I had to bleedin' well walk all the way back, not like some people I could mention!" Spike complained for the second time. "I'm going to have to go out and steal some new shoes. These ones are worn out, like me. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a vampire to get the right sized shoes? No going shopping during daylight hours and actually getting served. No chance of being offered a choice of colours and styles. Oh no, not for poor old Spike".  
  
"We are getting sidetracked, so I suggest poor old Spike had better shut up. Poor old us want to hear some explanations from poor old Michael, who is probably just as bored with your whingeing as we are", Giles said sternly.  
  
"You're just cruel, Rupert. Us Brits ought to stick together".  
  
"Well if one of 'us Brits' calls me by my first name again, there will suddenly be one less of 'us Brits' round this table", Giles told him firmly, and Spike subsided, still grumbling under his breath.  
  
'Although I suppose he doesn't actually need any breath', Dawn thought, and for some reason that idea gave her a little shudder.  
  
"So, explanation time?" Michael said again.  
  
"Oh, goody", said Willow. "I always enjoy this bit. My favourite part of mystery and detective stories is the last chapter where everything is explained. I want to know the meaning of it all".  
  
"You know", Giles said thoughtfully, "a famous writer once said that if anybody ever discovered the Meaning of Life, The Universe, and Everything, it would immediately be replaced by something even stranger - and that some say it already has!"  
  
"How would we know?" Dawn asked, a little confused.  
  
Giles smiled, and shrugged. "A very good question".  
  
"OK, Michael", Buffy said, "I've got a question myself for you - I want to know who the hell you really are?"  
  
There was a moment's slightly embarrassed silence, but surprisingly it was not actually Michael who responded, it was Giles.  
  
"Why don't we follow Willow's favourite literary genre, and see if we can work it out by deduction. I know Tara's already guessed, and so have I, but let's see what we know. OK?"  
  
Michael smiled and nodded, and the others settled themselves comfortably, and tried to look serious.  
  
"Right, well what _do_ we actually know? One: we know that Michael is a messenger from The Powers That Be. Two: we know he has special powers - we've seen them in action. Three: he had a quest. Four: well, I could go on, but let's be brief and cut to the chase instead. It's all very simple really, if you think about it". He paused to gather his thoughts before continuing. "Now, we met Satan, didn't we? And Satan is just another name for the Devil".  
  
"I always thought the Devil was a mythical character", said Xander.  
  
Giles looked at him as if he'd just been bitten by a bowl of custard - with an expression of total astonishment.  
  
"And you grew up in Sunnydale? Well really, Xander. I'm ashamed of you!" Giles shook his head in disbelief. Then he pulled himself together and continued.  
  
"Right. Now, Satan. Well, what do we know about him? Firstly, anyone, of what hierarchy is he the leader?"  
  
Most of them looked at the ex-Watcher blankly. This was worse than being back in High School. Only Willow and Tara put their hands up, and it was Tara who answered, somewhat diffidently. "The Fallen Angels", she said quietly.  
  
"We already know one of them, don't we Buff?" said Dawn in a stage whisper out of the side of her mouth. Buffy merely made a sour expression and said nuffin'.  
  
"Correct", Giles said, pretending he hadn't overheard. "The Fallen Angels. Thank you Tara, absolutely right. And we saw that he already knew Michael. And who is the leader of the Angels who did not Fall?"  
  
"Michael", said Tara, again very quietly. "The Archangel Michael".  
  
There was a moment's pause while they all absorbed this information.   
  
It was Buffy who responded first.  
  
"Hey! Whoa! Now wait just a minute there, people. Let me get this straight please, Giles. Do you mean to say that You-Know-Who, up there, sends an Archangel, an actual, genuine, real live Archangel, down here to ask for _our_ help; the help of two witches, a Slayer, an ex-librarian, a construction worker, an ex-demon, a chipped vampire, and a schoolgirl?" said Buffy. "Get real! Things like that just don't happen!"  
  
"Actually Buffy, if you think about it, things remarkably like that seem to happen every other week here in Sunnydale, at least as I seem to recall", Giles replied mildly. "Mind you, I have always suspected that the creator of this universe (and I suppose we now have to say of all the others too) had a somewhat warped sense of humour. Now I'm convinced of it".  
  
"So where do The Powers That Be come into it? I don't understand", Willow said.  
  
"Remember Michael said we worked for the same organisation? And I said we also knew them by another name? Well just ask yourselves where Michael must come from, if we accept he's an Archangel, and that he works for You-Know-Who".  
  
The assembled Scooby Gang turned their heads as one to stare at Michael again, as if to say "Is that really true?"  
  
Michael looked round at them all gravely for a moment, one at a time, and then bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement, and smiled enigmatically.  
  
"So why couldn't you simply get The Spear and deal with this Other Universe thing by yourself?" Buffy asked. "You've obviously got powers we haven't - you can do things that not even magic can do, can't you?"  
  
"Of course he has", Willow said. "We wouldn't have been able to even make a portal without him, let alone one into the Vatican. We don't know enough yet - that's major league mojo, that is. I don't think even good magic would ever be able to do that, however strong it was - the Church has always been very anti-magic".  
  
"I was told what I had to do" Michael said, "and what I was not allowed to do. I was not told why - we often aren't.  
  
"I couldn't make any permanent changes to this world, I had to leave things just the way I found them, as if nothing had happened. I was simply told to save it from destruction, and told the single thing I needed to find in order to do so. However I _was_ allowed to ask for help here.  
  
"I have to do what I'm told - that's just the way it is. I have no more choice about it than Buffy has in being the Slayer", he finished.  
  
"So that's why Sunnydale is now back as it was", Giles said thoughtfully, "and my car, and everything else? Does that include us? What about our memories? We took part in everything that happened, saving the Universe. We were part of that whole process - you couldn't have done it without us, or at least a group of people like us. Or could you?"  
  
"As I said, we aren't told what might have been, or will be", Michael replied. "Just what is. We're told what to do, and we go and do it. We don't ask questions".  
  
"What, never?" asked Willow.  
  
"Well, not usually. But", he added with a slight smile, "I wasn't told _I_ couldn't ask _you_ questions".  
  
They all looked at him in some surprise. An Archangel wanting to ask _them_ something?  
  
"What can we tell you, Michael?" Giles said uncertainly. It was a situation even his extensive training as a Watcher had not prepared him for.  
  
"Well, for one thing, did any of you start to have second thoughts about me and my mission while the three of us were away getting The Spear?"  
  
"We certainly did", Xander said firmly. "But Giles seemed to have worked out who you were - are, and so had Tara. They told us not to worry about Dawn and Spike, that they'd be perfectly safe".  
  
"Hah! Well, let me tell you, it didn't feel particularly safe when that red-hot lava demon dropped in on us through the portal. He was not a happy bunny!" Spike said forcefully. "If our Niblet hadn't found The Spear in the corner of the cellar, I for one would only have been fit for a Fire Sale!"  
  
The others looked at Dawn. They hadn't heard all the details of the visit to the Vatican, and she had the grace to look slightly embarrassed.  
  
"'It was nothing, folks. Just doin' m'job'", she said, borrowing a famous quotation.  
  
"So you were discreetly manipulating our thoughts and emotions while you were here", Giles said quietly. "I see. And then while you were elsewhere, the effect lessened. Makes sense, I suppose - you had to be sure we'd do what was needed without being distracted by everyday thoughts and worries".  
  
"Hey, yeah. I've just realised that I haven't thought about Riley at all", said Buffy. "Boy, won't he be sick when he realises what he's missed!"  
  
"And we haven't been worrying about Mom either". Dawn sounded quite surprised.  
  
"I apologise", Michael said. "I had to keep everyone calm and focused on what had to be done. It was absolutely essential that my mission be completed successfully".  
  
Everyone looked at each other uncertainly, and murmured that it was cool, quite OK, they understood.  
  
"Any more questions?" Michael added.  
  
"Yes", Giles said. "You didn't answer mine a few minutes ago - about remembering tonight's adventures".  
  
"Yes, will we? When you've gone?" Buffy said. "An awful lot's happened".  
  
"I have to tidy up, put everything back the way it should have been if there had been no Other Universe, no D'Yah Ba'Wuk, and no earthquakes to destroy Sunnydale".  
  
"And no Satan's tail, either. Shame, that".  
  
"Oh, I think it would be alright for you to keep that, and the lava monster's finger if you really want to, as a souvenir. Except that you won't remember what they are - sorry about that. Just pickle them in alcohol - I'd suggest Southern Comfort for a hundred years or so ought to do it".  
  
"Why not scotch?" Spike asked, lounging back in his chair again.  
  
"Oh, just a matter of personal preference. Actually, I don't like Old World whiskies very much. I prefer New World ones".  
  
"Well, really!" said Giles indignantly, and the others fell about laughing. Except for Spike, who's personal taste at the moment was for Bushmills Irish Whiskey, preferably the older the better. Mixed with AB negative of course - the fresher the better.  
  
"So we aren't going to be allowed to remember what happened, then?" Tara said quietly, coming back to the most important question.  
  
"No, I'm afraid not", Michael told her. "When you go to sleep tonight, the memories will fade, and by tomorrow it will just seem like something you read about somewhere a long time ago, about other people, in another place. It's necessary".  
  
"I suppose you can't really have us running around, knowing what we know about You-Know-Who, and about you. It might tend to upset the status quo", Giles observed thoughtfully.  
  
"Exactly", said Michael. "But before I go, there's one last question I would like to ask you, Giles, if I may".  
  
"Go right ahead", Giles said with interest. "Be my guest".  
  
"Thank you. It's this - what on earth was making you laugh so hysterically up on the crater rim, while Dawn was doing her stuff down there? What did you see that was so funny?"  
  
"Oh yes, that". Giles smiled. "Well, it's a bit difficult to explain, but you see, when you first mentioned the D'Yah Ba'Wuk, for some strange reason it did seem vaguely familiar".  
  
"But Giles, you couldn't find any reference to it in your books - you looked", Anya said.  
  
"True", he replied, "but that didn't stop me from wondering why. Anyway, after that we were rather busy, as you may remember, and I didn't have time to think any more about it until we were standing on the rim of the crater watching Dawn get ready to throw The Spear. Then, when the thing began to hatch and I actually saw it clearly for the first time, something suddenly clicked..."  
  
"Oh!" said Dawn suddenly. "Yes! I forgot! Giles! That happened to us too. When we were down in the Pit. Wait!" and she dived under the table, coming up again with her school book bag. She rummaged in it while Giles politely waited for her. Eventually she triumphantly produced a book which she handed to him.  
  
"You'd just been looking in the wrong place", she said.  
  
He glanced briefly at its title, smiled, nodded, and put it down on the table.  
  
"Absolutely right, Dawn. Well done. Spot on".  
  
Everybody else peered at it.  
  
"'Through The Looking Glass'? What's a looking glass when it's at home?" Xander asked.  
  
"It's a mirror - old word for", Willow told him. "Mirrors are very important in magic, you know. Wait a minute though... there's more. 'Through The Looking Glass'..."  
  
"...'And What Alice Found There'" Dawn finished for her. "It's the sequel to 'Alice In Wonderland'".  
  
"What's that got to do with anything?" Anya asked. "It's just a children's book, isn't it?"  
  
"It's only one of the most famous books ever!" Dawn told her enthusiastically. "After 'Alice In Wonderland', and the Harry Potter books of course", she added. To give him credit, Giles managed to look only slightly pained.  
  
"But what has that got to do with the D'Yah Ba'Wuk?" Michael asked.   
  
Giles picked up Dawn's book from the table, opened it, and leafed slowly through until he found the page he wanted. He cleared his throat and they all looked at him expectantly.   
"'Jabberwocky', by Lewis Carroll", he said, paused for a few seconds to let them settle, and then began.  
  
"First verse:  
'Twas Brillig and the slithy toves  
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:  
All mimsy were the borogoves  
And the mome raths outgrabe'".  
  
He paused to look at them over his glasses. "Second verse", he said.  
  
"'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!  
The jaws that bite, the claws that snatch!  
Beware...'"  
  
He didn't get any further because Dawn interrupted his reading. "Giles, don't bore them all to death - just show them the picture!"  
  
Someone took the book out of his hands and laid it open on the table where everyone could see an old black-and-white illustration. It showed a small valiant figure with a sword battling a large ugly creature that looked exactly like the D'Yah Ba'Wuk - huge wings, long neck, scaly claws, great big teeth, and immense eyes - every detail true to the original. It was as if the artist had drawn it from life.   
  
Then they were all trying to speak at once, until Giles banged on the table and bellowed "Quiet. Please".  
  
"You have to be kidding!" Buffy exclaimed.  
  
Giles smiled. "You can see for yourself - the D'Yah Ba'Wuk", he said, "is the Jabberwock. Has to be, don't you see?".  
  
There was a short silence.  
  
"I know it's just a nonsense poem by Lewis Carroll", said Dawn, "but when we actually saw the monster clearly I suddenly recognised it".  
  
"D'Yah Ba'Wuk?" said Michael thoughtfully. "D'Yah Ba'Wuk - Jabberwock. Of course".  
  
"Sounds more like a shaggy dog story to me", Xander said. "You can not really be serious?"  
  
"Seems to be", Buffy said, sounding a trifle doubtful, "but what I don't understand in that case is 'why?'"  
  
"Does there really have to be a 'why'? You-Know-Who has a strange sense of humour", said Giles with a 'don't-ask-me' shrug.  
  
"You said that already", Willow commented.  
  
*  
  
"So that's it, then?" Buffy said. "We were fighting a monster out of a kids book?"  
  
"Or this guy who wrote 'Jabberwocky' knew something he wasn't telling us", Xander suggested.  
  
"Or it's sort of like the dreams Buffy used to get sometimes - a warning of danger coming. Except he was a bit early with it", Willow said.  
  
"Well over a hundred years early", Giles observed thoughtfully.  
  
"Well at least he wrote it down", Dawn pointed out. "Though it might have helped if we'd known about it in advance, don't you think?"  
  
"I doubt it. We would still have had to do everything we did anyway, is my guess", Willow said.  
  
"Very deep, Will", Xander said, shaking his head.   
  
"Do you mean it was all predestined?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well, I think it wouldn't have mattered either way - free will or predestination, the result would have been the same, wouldn't it?. The monster would still have existed, and The Spear, and the destruction of Sunnydale would still have happened, and someone would still have had to throw The Spear at The Monster", Willow said. "I don't know if that counts as predestination. How can we tell? Giles? What do you think?"  
  
"Oh, spare me the bloody philosophy, why don't you?" Spike exclaimed, interrupting her. "We went, we saw, we conquered, and that's all there is to it. And boy did we conquer - well the Niblet did, I mean. And a bloody good thing too, I say".  
  
"Thank you, Spike", Dawn said quietly.  
  
"I agree with Spike, for once" Xander said. "We kicked it's butt right back into the other Universe, and I too say 'well done Dawnie'".   
  
"Hear, hear!" Buffy said firmly. "I couldn't have done better myself".  
  
"Wow, actual praise from my big sister! I shall have to write that up in my diary!"  
  
"You keep a diary?" Tara asked. "I used to do that once. When I was much younger".  
  
"So anyway, that seems to be that", Giles said. "And tomorrow is another day".  
  
"Yes", said Buffy, "and I know someone who's still got some homework to catch up with. C'mon, Missy, it's getting late, and Mom will be wondering where we've got to".  
  
"Aw c'mon Buffy, no fair. It's Friday night. It's not as if it's a school night - it's the weekend tomorrow", Dawn complained.  
  
"Yes, I know, but it's late and I don't want Mom to have anything to worry about while she's not well. We'd better get going for home".  
  
"I'll drive you", Giles said. "Don't want you having any more adventures on the way, do we? Er, Michael, do you...? Um, where did he go?"  
  
They all turned as one and stared at the empty chair between Xander and Buffy.  
  
"What...? Where...? How...?" everyone said, looking round the shop, but there was not a single trace of Michael. He seemed to have softly and silently vanished away without anyone even noticing.  
  
"Well, I suppose that really is it then", Giles said slowly.  
  
"But I still remember everything", Buffy said.  
  
"He said we'd forget while we were asleep, didn't he Giles?" Tara reminded them.   
  
"I don't think that matters. It's not as if it's really going to make any difference whether we remember what happened tonight or not - no one would believe us anyway".  
  
"Not even in Sunnydale?" Xander asked.  
  
"Well, what do you think?" said Giles. "I'd say especially not in Sunnydale".  
  
"So what have we really been doing the last few hours?" Anya asked.  
  
"Exactly what we think we've been doing, of course", said Giles, shrugging. "It's just that no one else will remember anything about it".  
  
"Do you think we really will forget too, like he said?" Tara said, but Giles just took his glasses off again and polished them thoughtfully.  
  
There was a short silence.  
  
Then Spike said "What have you got there, platelet?"  
  
Dawn held up an impossibly big white feather. "It was lying on the table where Michael was sitting", she said.  
  
There was a faint spicy scent that reminded Buffy of something she couldn't quite place.  
  
Willow leaned over and sniffed it with her eyes closed.  
  
"Frankincense... and Myrrh?" she said.  
  
  
  
THE END. 


End file.
